I made an appointment with a personal trainer for 9 a.m. I'm so stupid! That doesn't even leave time for coffee!!!

SA, we're moving to California some time in the next couple of years. Exactly where and when is nebulous at this point.

checking in. Thanks for the hugs and good vibes, they were nice to see today. I logged off the computer last night and curled up in bed, Tom holding me while I hyperventilated, twitched, moaned, cried, and spazzed out.

Today feels a bit better.

Suicide memorials are of the FUCKING SUCK. Oh my Jesus fucking gawd.

Then the trek through the rain, walking around snowdrifts into traffic to catch a bus, to get downtown, the losing of the costly combo T/bus pass, the flooding out of Kendall Square, the walking and walking and walking in the rain, the throbbing of my foot, all inflamed _ the plantar faciitis, the fucking up of the car company I booked to pick my grandmother up, and the overwheleming feeling of awfullness and sorrow and dirtiness through it all.

Things to do today:
1) get bus pass so that I can get to and from work this month, and so that we can get our insurance discount
2) successfully coordinate picking my grandmother up at the airport in Friday rush hour traffic
3) call the venue for the party tomorrow and let them know to decrease the count by another person, and alert them to 2 vegetarians
4) try not to suffer any more panic attacks about dealing with the cluelessness, neediness, and alcoholism of my family this weekend
5) consider therapy
6) fight the urge to buy and smoke a pack of cigarettes and drink till I pass out.

I know so many people have it so much worse than I do. But I'm tired of each and every little thing going wrong and becoming a large obstacle. I'm just so tired.

Christ, what a whiny rant.

Oh yeah, to that list:

7) do the work they FUCKING PAY ME TO DO here.

More {{{Nora}}}. I hope today is better, girl.

Suicide memorials are of the FUCKING SUCK. Oh my Jesus fucking gawd.

Wrod.

I know so many people have it so much worse than I do. But I'm tired of each and every little thing going wrong and becoming a large obstacle. I'm just so tired.

Nora, I am convinced that in some ways, having a whole bunch of 'little' things going wrong is worse in some ways than having one, defineable major crisis to deal with. It's exhausting to have to keep one's mind up to fighting a whole bunch of battles on a million different fronts, even if those battles seem to be small.

{{{Nora}}

Browsing California real estate sites. Bad Kristin!

Good Kristin! You're excited. It happens.

Kristin has a new tag, "fate's bitch," and I like that she's tagging Wonderfalls, cause it was WF that brought her here, so it's as if it was in fact her fate to find the Buffistas and bless us with her presence, though she joined before I did, so I don't know why I'm including myself in this whole fate manifesto.

{{{Nora}}}

I hope today is much much better.

Pick me up some land in California while you're at it, Kristin. I could use some.

Aww. But it's such a sweet fake manifesto.

My one year Buffistaversary is next month. I can't believe it.

Also, {{{{Nora}}}}. I am so sorry. Suicide memorials are awful.

I know so many people have it so much worse than I do. But I'm tired of each and every little thing going wrong and becoming a large obstacle. I'm just so tired.

There's always someone who has things worse. I've got a good solid job and no one's trying to bomb the bus I ride to work. Regardless, I've learned that the "Cheer up, at least you're not having X" things is a counter-productive method of coping. Your pain is your pain. No one else's pain is like yours, and yours is just as legitimate as everyone else's. ERs don't tell the folks with broken legs, "Look, shut up and go home, we've got a sucking chest wound here." It might not get the full crash cart and sprinting nurses treatment, but it gets treated seriously.

Hmm, I should avoid metaphors before breakfast. Must consume food and caffeine.

{{{Nora}}}

My one year Buffistaversary is next month. I can't believe it.

Alright, did people get the jello, wax, bendi-straws and penguins for the "ceremony"?