My father is both an alcoholic and a smoker, so I've definitly worried about what I'll do, but worse is seeing that my Mom worries- she thinks that if my brother or I have a beer we're on our way to becoming him.

I DO smoke, which will stop SO SOON, but I don't see myself ever having the problems with alcohol that he does- I drink, but really don't like getting drunk. My stomach feels sick once I get anywhere past a buzz.

It's just hard to see that shadow cross my mother's face whenever I mention going out for a beer. I've told her that I"m not going to be like him, but she seems to think it's something I can't control. I understand it, but it pisses me off.

My mother's father was an alcoholic, and she's also hell-on-wheels against anyone drinking. All of her children, however, are of the "a beer at the bar with friends/glass of wine with dinner" ilk. For a long time I was horrified by drinking until I had a drink in college and nothing evil happened. I actually don't like the feeling of being buzzed and I'm pretty much just a wine drinker with food. Amazing what it does for flavors.

I have no idea of Mother knows our drinking habits. I know I never mentioned it to her, because I didn't want to hear lectures. I'm fairly sure that was the reaction of my sisters, as well.

My paternal grandfather and one of my paternal uncles were both alcoholics, & the disease eventually killed them. My father is a "dry drunk". Rob (Z's dad) got pancreatitis from his drinking (that and the Hep C finally killed him).

Yeah, we've got some issues in our little family (like everyone else). Thankfully, Z doesn't want to end up like his father, and I seem not to have inherited my paternal line's addiction issues. So it is a struggle, but a manageable one.

IOW, I commiserate with y'all.

My mother's father was an alcoholic, and she's also hell-on-wheels against anyone drinking.

Given how much of an alcoholic my grandpa was, you'd think my Mom would have been opposed to drinking. On the contrary, she and I have had the very telling conversation about how we can't *imagine* marrying someone who doesn't drink.

So today, there's a client who needed to be called about some merch increasing in value, which meant it wouldn't be shipped for a while. There was a meeting about something else entirely, and boss had put off most calls until after the meeting because most of them had to do with the meeting. I reminded him to call the client and he got testy "I told you I'm making calls after the meeting Heather."

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I think you might want to think about rebutting the attendance portion of your evaluation. It's documented, and your boss can't mark you down in that area, just because he's dissatisfied with your performance in other areas. How big is the company? Is there a human resources department?

The company is pretty big so they do have HR. I think this review is mostly to evaluate my performance to determine whether or not I get a pay raise. I did mention the rating to my boss when he was presenting it to me but I didn't want to fight it at that moment. Instead of complaining to someone I think I'll just keep a record of my own attendance as proof. Right now, I don't care about anything but keeping this job.

{{{Nora}}}

{{Nora}}

I've told her that I"m not going to be like him, but she seems to think it's something I can't control. I understand it, but it pisses me off.

If you ARE an alcoholic, it IS something you can't control, that's the thing. And at early stages, alcoholism is impossible to tell from non-addicts just going out for a beer. It sucks for you, but imagine her worry that you could be going down this path which would lead to horrible stuff for you and there's nothing she can do about it. Parents have an extra guilt thing, because they gave you the gene (or brought the gene into the family) which made you susceptible to this, so it adds a whole level of anxiety for them--an anxiety which is a huge pain in the ass to deal with.

{{beathen}} I know about rotten perfomance reviews. I had my share in the military and as a civilian. I've successfully rebutted a few (one of which was about attendance) and one, I flat outright refused to sign. I still got the raise attached to it, but I wanted to let the company know that I strongly disagreed with their assessment. It's an option. Four years later, I'm still working for them.

The reason I decided to stop drinking was that I was drifting away from being able to have fun without drinking in a social situation, and I wanted to go through social situations for a couple months, at least, just to make sure I could separate the fun and the drinking.

{{Nora}} It sounds like you've managed that quite successfully. Perhaps you and Tom should sit down together and reassess your goals and purpose behind the stopping/slowing down in consumption of alcoholic beverages. It sucks to be at odds with your DH over something.

It sucks for you, but imagine her worry that you could be going down this path which would lead to horrible stuff for you and there's nothing she can do about it

I know- you're right. I probably phrased that wrong, too. It isn't her worry that irks me, but her attitude that it's something I don't think about on my own. Her tendancy to say things like "Don't drive home drunk" when she knows damn well that I think it's one of the most deplorable things someone can do. I learned that from him, very early on.

But more than anything, I just hate the feeling that I've already got this black mark over my head, and it's not my fault, and I can't change it. Because of what my father is, that I can't be trusted.

Not a fun thing to carry around, espcially knowing it will never go away.

My Father's large family are largely alcoholics. My Mother's are pretty much teetotalers (though pretty much out of practice rather than conviction by her generation-- i.e. because the ancestors adamantly didn't drink, nobody keeps beer in the house, thinks to have wine with meals, etc.)

Consequently, I not only have a genetic concern, I had NO model for "normal" drinking behavior growing up. With one accidental exception I didn't drink until college and then I only "partied" two or three times before I graduated. I've only been hung-over once in my life (though I've felt less than my best a few times). I was strict with myself out of real fear -- NEVER drank when alone, NEVER drank when upset.

Eventually I found my "normal". My sister and I joke that those "how many drinks a week" surveys are useless to us since they never have a box marked "five or six in one night every month or two". Eventually I realized that my battles with depression are probably the alternative to my family members' with the bottle. Eventually my best friend, sobre 12 years now, pointed out that once I'd hit my thirties without drinking ever being a problem I was statistically safe from becoming an alcoholic until I'm a widow in my seventies. Now I'll occasionally drink when alone or upset.

So in my life it did go away -- for the next forty years or so.