It sucks for you, but imagine her worry that you could be going down this path which would lead to horrible stuff for you and there's nothing she can do about it

I know- you're right. I probably phrased that wrong, too. It isn't her worry that irks me, but her attitude that it's something I don't think about on my own. Her tendancy to say things like "Don't drive home drunk" when she knows damn well that I think it's one of the most deplorable things someone can do. I learned that from him, very early on.

But more than anything, I just hate the feeling that I've already got this black mark over my head, and it's not my fault, and I can't change it. Because of what my father is, that I can't be trusted.

Not a fun thing to carry around, espcially knowing it will never go away.

My Father's large family are largely alcoholics. My Mother's are pretty much teetotalers (though pretty much out of practice rather than conviction by her generation-- i.e. because the ancestors adamantly didn't drink, nobody keeps beer in the house, thinks to have wine with meals, etc.)

Consequently, I not only have a genetic concern, I had NO model for "normal" drinking behavior growing up. With one accidental exception I didn't drink until college and then I only "partied" two or three times before I graduated. I've only been hung-over once in my life (though I've felt less than my best a few times). I was strict with myself out of real fear -- NEVER drank when alone, NEVER drank when upset.

Eventually I found my "normal". My sister and I joke that those "how many drinks a week" surveys are useless to us since they never have a box marked "five or six in one night every month or two". Eventually I realized that my battles with depression are probably the alternative to my family members' with the bottle. Eventually my best friend, sobre 12 years now, pointed out that once I'd hit my thirties without drinking ever being a problem I was statistically safe from becoming an alcoholic until I'm a widow in my seventies. Now I'll occasionally drink when alone or upset.

So in my life it did go away -- for the next forty years or so.

Yeah, the way we came to terms with it in our very alcoholic family (both grandfathers, dad, mom, uncle, aunt, both brothers, three cousins--all alcoholics, all except two in recovery) is that most families have a legacy. Some have mental illness or a tendency to cheat or dishonesty or whatever. The BF's family has a long history of people holding fierce grudges and not speaking for decades. This is ours, and it isn't fun and it can be terrible to go through, but unlike mental illness, say, it can be dealt with, and once dealt with one can have a fabulous life.

I've already got this black mark over my head, and it's not my fault, and I can't change it.

I have other friends that deal with this. It was easier for them to deal with it when instead of thinking of it as a black mark - but just a part of thier physical make up. Like being short, or haveing diabetes , or wearing glasses. Just something you have to work with.

but unlike mental illness, say, it can be dealt with, and once dealt with one can have a fabulous life.

Not to be contrary, or one of those people who picks apart every post and takes the discussion away from the topic, but -- mental illness can be dealt with and a subsequent fabulous life can be had.

so DH needs more work ma~~ . Things go ka-boom when people don't do their jobs. we just want the fall out to be on the deserving - those that didn't do thier job. Thank you

I hate when I hit post twice.

Absolutely true, Tep, and not picky at all. I was thinking of my Uncle's family, which has juvenile onset schizophrenia. This has had tragic consequences--two suicides and two other family members institutionalized for life--and that's with the most expensive and modern care possible. But this is a very extreme case.

Much work~ma for beth's DH.

Work~ma headed towards beth's DH.

I'm inbetween classes. I'm finally going to get to check out class two of three. The third class I won't have a first meeting until Monday ('cause it's a MW class). Unfortunately, I stopped by the bookstore today to make sure I'd bought the correct book for class two. I hadn't. And, of course, it's the MUCH more expensive set of books that I actually need. Oh, and I didn't bring my receipt with me, so I couldn't return the book I'd bought. Grrrrrr...

Also stopped by the Bursar's office to pick up my excess check. Because I have less than 12 credits, it's not ready yet. It won't be ready till the 9th. I'm a little annoyed, but whatever. I can deal. Still, though, they have the money. What takes so freaking long to print a check?