Spike's Bitches 21 Gunn Salute
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Not a fun thing to carry around, espcially knowing it will never go away.
Indeed. I keep thinking that there's some point where it will become moot, but then I realize this is the rest of my life, this fear, and it gets depressing.
Always wondering if you're justifying or not? I can so relate, sweetie.
Oh my God, this is so the crux of it. Thank you for putting it so succinctly!
I know this must be difficult for you, but you are handling it so well.
The funny thing is, it's actually not that difficult. Once I retrain my brain to enjoy the taste of cranberry juice and sparkling water or ginger ale and lime, it's been smooth sailing. It's just a project to have a yummy non-alcoholic drink in my hand rather than an alcoholic one, so I can whet my whistle and have fun the whole night long without getting drunk or hungover. Last night actually felt like I was still doing the same thing, just that two of the drinks I was enjoying happened to have alcohol in them.
But, thanks for the supportive words, guys, it helps a lot. One of the things about this whole ACOA mess is that I feel like I can't ever fully trust my own thought processes on the subject, because I may be justifying things, I may be falling into old patterns, etc. I should probably get in some group therapy or ACOA action, to help with this, but thank you guys for providing other persepectives in the interim.
Attendance and Dependability: 3 - Elizabeth's attendance record is adequate. [Adequate?! I have only called in sick 4 times in the last two years and that was only for a few hours. I never took the whole day off.]
I'm sure there is but I'm not even sure I want to say anything to anyone in the company because I'm almost positive that it will be documented and get back to my boss. I hoping that by the end of April I'll have a new job closer to my family (which will also include me moving). I just want to wait it out for a few more months because I still have to pay my bills, even if that means putting up with shit like this.
beathen, I'm with Lyra, in that I think you are right to be looking for a new job. That said, I think you might want to think about rebutting the attendance portion of your evaluation. It's documented, and your boss can't mark you down in that area, just because he's dissatisfied with your performance in other areas. How big is the company? Is there a human resources department?
{{{Nora}}}
One of the things about this whole ACOA mess is that I feel like I can't ever fully trust my own thought processes on the subject
I know this is an issue for me. I'm coming to the conclusion that because of my father's alcoholism, my perspective on drinking will always be somewhat skewed, one way (worrying too much) or the other (rationalizing too much). I hope you can find some peace, and some guidance.
Thanks, Cindy.
Whew. It's extremely comforting to know I'm not the only one dealing with these issues (though of course I know that logically).
One of the things about this whole ACOA mess is that I feel like I can't ever fully trust my own thought processes on the subject
I know this is an issue for me. I'm coming to the conclusion that because of my father's alcoholism, my perspective on drinking will always be somewhat skewed, one way (worrying too much) or the other (rationalizing too much). I hope you can find some peace, and some guidance.
My whole family, on both sides, has a history of abusing alcohol. My maternal grandfather was a prodigous alcoholic for at least 40 years -- he would drink literally a fifth of whiskey a night, no lie, along with a couple of 40s of beer -- until he got pancreatitis and his doctor told him that if he didn't stop drinking, he'd be dead in 6 months. So he quit, cold turkey, and hasn't had a drink in at least 15 years.
My Dad was an alcoholic for a long damn time -- at least 10 years, and maybe 15 or longer. My Mom, for probably the same amount of time, abused the HELL out of alcohol (I learned all my hangover remedies from her, and that's the honest truth) but then managed to dial it way down and now she drinks a glass or two of wine a few nights a week, and is fine.
So knowing that I have a truly impressive history behind me, there have been times in the past when I've quit drinking for a while b/c I was worried that I had a problem. Fortunately, I haven't felt that way for a long time, which is nice. However, I have no illusions that this feeling of calm is permanent. I'm sure at some point in the future, I'll find myself monitoring my drinking, and maybe quitting drinking for a while again.
My feeling about it, right now, is that as long as I'm aware I have the potential to end up at the bottom of a keg, then I'm going to keep a close eye on my drinking, and while that's not a foolproof way to avoid spiraling out of control, it's a reasonable, sane place to start.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately, I think because of my anxiety attacks I had around the holidays (which seem to be lightening *crosses fingers*). Having a glass of wine could really help--I could feel myself relaxing. But then I'd worry about liking/looking forward to that feeling too much.
Timelies!
And also, gronk.
That is all.
At the end of high school and the beginning of college, I started off as a binge drinker. I understood that I came from a long line of alcoholics but I never descended into the kind of drinking that I associate with being alcoholic.
The older I got and the more information I got, I realized that my family (mom's in particular) isn't so much alcoholic as they were addictive-types of people. Mom's dad was a SEVERE alcoholic his entire life and I never saw my mother take so much as a sip of alcohol. I guess she thought she would battle the family demons that way. But she never thought twice about gambling. She didn't consider that she had a problem with that.
So I spent YEARS wrestling with both these issue. I stopped drinking when I met Christopher and got kind of militant about my not drinking (but not other people--I was just worried about myself). And I was worse with gambling. I always said I HATED Las Vegas. I would have never imagined myself placing bets or enjoying myself in that kind of atmosphere.
I slowly learned that I could moderate myself. I was worried I didn't have that capacity but I was wrong. The years of not knowing that I could do it were the worst, socially and in my relationship. It was about knowing myself and understanding myself and also finding balance. I'm more comfortable with it now but it took a lot of introspection and beating myself up over it to get there.
My father is both an alcoholic and a smoker, so I've definitly worried about what I'll do, but worse is seeing that my Mom worries- she thinks that if my brother or I have a beer we're on our way to becoming him.
I DO smoke, which will stop SO SOON, but I don't see myself ever having the problems with alcohol that he does- I drink, but really don't like getting drunk. My stomach feels sick once I get anywhere past a buzz.
It's just hard to see that shadow cross my mother's face whenever I mention going out for a beer. I've told her that I"m not going to be like him, but she seems to think it's something I can't control. I understand it, but it pisses me off.
My mother's father was an alcoholic, and she's also hell-on-wheels against anyone drinking. All of her children, however, are of the "a beer at the bar with friends/glass of wine with dinner" ilk. For a long time I was horrified by drinking until I had a drink in college and nothing evil happened. I actually don't like the feeling of being buzzed and I'm pretty much just a wine drinker with food. Amazing what it does for flavors.
I have no idea of Mother knows our drinking habits. I know I never mentioned it to her, because I didn't want to hear lectures. I'm fairly sure that was the reaction of my sisters, as well.
