Gronk.

I can't get to sleep. Stupid internal clock. I need to get up at 8:30 tomorrow. I got up at 7:15 today, and 8:00 yesterday. And yet, by brain keeps insisting that no, staying up until 2 will be a good idea this time.

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WindSparrow already has a new tag!

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not giving beathen hugs, but rather the secret handshake of the underappreciated office manager.

At my annual review, I was told that I needed to keep on my boss about doing things he was putting off. To remind him and ask if he'd done them. While I don't like playing mommy, I am the assistant, so ok fine.

So today, there's a client who needed to be called about some merch increasing in value, which meant it wouldn't be shipped for a while. There was a meeting about something else entirely, and boss had put off most calls until after the meeting because most of them had to do with the meeting. I reminded him to call the client and he got testy "I told you I'm making calls after the meeting Heather."

To his credit, he did thank me for reminding him before I left and said he saw that I was trying to do what he asked.

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Anyone still up?

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Anyone still up?

Hoping you're asleep by now...poor ND.

I'm up. I need to shower, but first I'm savoring my cup of coffee. Hopefully today I'll actually make it to all of my classes. It's not snowing, so they shouldn't close campus. Yay!

I saw my therapist at group last night, and she was surprised that I was taking three classes. I thought we had talked about it, but I guess we hadn't (her memory is MUCH better than mine, so I default to her on these things). She wants me to bring in all of the workload to my next appointment so we can decide if I should drop one. Probably a good plan.

Anne, I'm glad you're getting away for a few days. And an early Happy Birthday to you! Have a wonderful trip!

{{{Nora}}} We've talked about this in person, but I'll say some things again. I think that you're being so amazingly proactive by making this decision...I was so proud of you at Emily's party. I know this must be difficult for you, but you are handling it so well. It really sounds like you thought through your decision to drink last night, and I don't think it's an indication of anything except that you were enjoying a couple of your favorite tastes. I'm sorry Tom is annoyed with you, and I hope it passes soon. But, remember, I'm really proud of you.

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Not a fun thing to carry around, espcially knowing it will never go away.

Indeed. I keep thinking that there's some point where it will become moot, but then I realize this is the rest of my life, this fear, and it gets depressing.

Always wondering if you're justifying or not? I can so relate, sweetie.

Oh my God, this is so the crux of it. Thank you for putting it so succinctly!

I know this must be difficult for you, but you are handling it so well.

The funny thing is, it's actually not that difficult. Once I retrain my brain to enjoy the taste of cranberry juice and sparkling water or ginger ale and lime, it's been smooth sailing. It's just a project to have a yummy non-alcoholic drink in my hand rather than an alcoholic one, so I can whet my whistle and have fun the whole night long without getting drunk or hungover. Last night actually felt like I was still doing the same thing, just that two of the drinks I was enjoying happened to have alcohol in them.

But, thanks for the supportive words, guys, it helps a lot. One of the things about this whole ACOA mess is that I feel like I can't ever fully trust my own thought processes on the subject, because I may be justifying things, I may be falling into old patterns, etc. I should probably get in some group therapy or ACOA action, to help with this, but thank you guys for providing other persepectives in the interim.

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Attendance and Dependability: 3 - Elizabeth's attendance record is adequate. [Adequate?! I have only called in sick 4 times in the last two years and that was only for a few hours. I never took the whole day off.]

I'm sure there is but I'm not even sure I want to say anything to anyone in the company because I'm almost positive that it will be documented and get back to my boss. I hoping that by the end of April I'll have a new job closer to my family (which will also include me moving). I just want to wait it out for a few more months because I still have to pay my bills, even if that means putting up with shit like this.

beathen, I'm with Lyra, in that I think you are right to be looking for a new job. That said, I think you might want to think about rebutting the attendance portion of your evaluation. It's documented, and your boss can't mark you down in that area, just because he's dissatisfied with your performance in other areas. How big is the company? Is there a human resources department?

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{{{Nora}}}

One of the things about this whole ACOA mess is that I feel like I can't ever fully trust my own thought processes on the subject

I know this is an issue for me. I'm coming to the conclusion that because of my father's alcoholism, my perspective on drinking will always be somewhat skewed, one way (worrying too much) or the other (rationalizing too much). I hope you can find some peace, and some guidance.

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Thanks, Cindy.

Whew. It's extremely comforting to know I'm not the only one dealing with these issues (though of course I know that logically).

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One of the things about this whole ACOA mess is that I feel like I can't ever fully trust my own thought processes on the subject

I know this is an issue for me. I'm coming to the conclusion that because of my father's alcoholism, my perspective on drinking will always be somewhat skewed, one way (worrying too much) or the other (rationalizing too much). I hope you can find some peace, and some guidance.

My whole family, on both sides, has a history of abusing alcohol. My maternal grandfather was a prodigous alcoholic for at least 40 years -- he would drink literally a fifth of whiskey a night, no lie, along with a couple of 40s of beer -- until he got pancreatitis and his doctor told him that if he didn't stop drinking, he'd be dead in 6 months. So he quit, cold turkey, and hasn't had a drink in at least 15 years.

My Dad was an alcoholic for a long damn time -- at least 10 years, and maybe 15 or longer. My Mom, for probably the same amount of time, abused the HELL out of alcohol (I learned all my hangover remedies from her, and that's the honest truth) but then managed to dial it way down and now she drinks a glass or two of wine a few nights a week, and is fine.

So knowing that I have a truly impressive history behind me, there have been times in the past when I've quit drinking for a while b/c I was worried that I had a problem. Fortunately, I haven't felt that way for a long time, which is nice. However, I have no illusions that this feeling of calm is permanent. I'm sure at some point in the future, I'll find myself monitoring my drinking, and maybe quitting drinking for a while again.

My feeling about it, right now, is that as long as I'm aware I have the potential to end up at the bottom of a keg, then I'm going to keep a close eye on my drinking, and while that's not a foolproof way to avoid spiraling out of control, it's a reasonable, sane place to start.

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