Hayden Christiansen had more sexual chemistry with R2D2 than with Natalie Portman.

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That whole movie was ADASTW.(Arrived Dead and Stayed That Way) I'm glad I didn't pay.

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Anakin R2D2 slash would be disturbing. I don't want to think about it.

Despite the fact that I am, I don't want to.

I'm torn about seeing the 3rd one at all, paying, not paying, NetFlixing, whatever. I think the time spent may well be more than it's worth to me.

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Anakin R2D2 slash would be disturbing. I don't want to think about it.

R2D2: "beep boop bleepity bloop"

Anakin: [strokes R2D2's sockets pensively] "I think I knew. I think I've known all along..."

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Is that a dataport or are you happy to see me?

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So since I saw Darkness Falls last night, I watched Freddy vs. Jason today. The fun thing about On Demand is I have easy access to all these movies I wouldn't go out of my way to watch.

Now, I actually haven't seen many of the Freddy and Jason movies. Maybe the first Nightmare on Elm Street, edited, and the tail end of Jason Takes Manhattan, also probably edited. So I missed all the numerous references to the previous films, I'm sure. But whatever, dude. The fun is having both of them in the same movie.

The concept is actually kind of interesting: Freddy can't come back because he's been forgotten, so he resurrects Jason (why Jason? Well...why not?) to do some killin' on his behalf and bring the fear back to the people of Elm Street. There's a "versus" in the title, though, so obviously he has to take him out eventually. It's like that Simpsons episode where they bring in the birds to take out the lizards and the monkeys to take out the birds and whatnot.

Coming off a day of reading No Man's Land, in whose early pages the similar concept is applied to Batman ("If we don't say his name, he's not real"), I thought there might be something intellectually stimulating about the film, but really, who was I kidding? It's all blood and gore and sex and drugs, dude. You better believe it.

The movie does a bizarre job of making the audience sympathize with Jason. Even after we see him slaughter a dozen people. Which, while odd, gives us someone to root for in the Big Fight. I'm not sure that's such a good idea, though. It might have been more fun if we didn't have someone to root for. Is this problem evident in Alien vs. Predator ?

People to look for:

• Monica Keena of

Dawson's Creek fame, as the Strong Female Protagonist

• Kelly Rowland of Destiny's Child fame, as the Token Black Character (who isn't that bad an actress, really, although she's not called upon to do much)
• Jason Ritter of

Joan of Arcadia fame, as That Guy Who Wants to Sleep with the Strong Female Protagonist So He'll Brave Death and Destruction

• some guy doing his best Krakow impression
• some guy doing his best Jay (as in, and Silent Bob) impression, delivering the funniest line in the movie: "That goalie was pissed about something."

There's probably more tension than there was in Darkness Falls, so that's good, right? Definitely more blood and guts and ridiculosity.

And if you just want to know who wins, the answer is Jason . I guess.

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The AvP billboard near krav with the running vote totals live from the internet went dark yesterday. I guess someone won.

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Speaking of AvP, this review is funny.

I was curious how director Garry Marshall would follow up the original story--one that was sweet and tender enough to appeal to the two most important movie-going markets: preteen girls and me--without turning it into a cynical exercise in milking the cash cow. It's not like the first movie was begging for a sequel. Yet, here is one and it has nothing to do with the first, save for the return of Hathaway and Andrews. The title Royal Engagement suggests we'll see romance for the little princess, and maybe she'll blossom right before our eyes.

Instead The Princess Diaries 2, she partakes in bloodsport. This is a horrific, unnecessary sequel about a battle for supremacy between aliens in a long-lost pyramid 2000 feet below Antarctica. Young Hathaway plays an alien from another planet seeking out an enemy comatant, while Julie Andrews plays pretty much the same character she did in The Sound of Music: a screeching, slimy monster imprisoned and forced to procreate in the bowels of a pyramid.

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That review is awesome, bon.

I want to see him do Freddy vs. Jason as if he thought it were Superbabies.

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It's like that Simpsons episode where they bring in the birds to take out the lizards and the monkeys to take out the birds and whatnot.

This is making me think of "There Mas an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly"

(I don't know why she swallowed the fly. I guess she'll die.)

ION, my Anne Hathaway lust from seing Princess Diaries 2 had me rent Ella Enchanted. It was better than PD2, though the fun of it was in the silliness, just like the PD movies. And the only word for Hathaway is effervescent (or luminous, which is what most of the critics on metacritic seemed to use.) SO pretty (Anne, not the movie. The movie is kind of funny-looking due to the fantastic setting on low budget.)And FAR more enjoyable than some movies I might see just for the pretty. I giggled a lot, it was a great Sunday afternoon experience.

The movie was definitely better than Freddy vs. Jason. And probably Alien vs Predator: Royal Engagement as well, though I haven't seen that in its killing form.

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