They could film this discussion and show at NRA membership drives.

(that's because I spend way too much time talking about weapons with my gaming group and at jiujitsu)

OK, one weapon story, but it's pretty much natter: There's a guy at work I call Barking Guy, because he barks when he comes into my office. Then he hugs my back and looks out the window while talking. I don't know what he says, because I don't take my headphones off. I exude hostile body language, but he does the hug thing anyway. I lamented this state of play to a friend who said, "Stun gun." I said, "Secure building, can't bring weapons in." He said, with no pause, "Faulty lamp wiring."

I think Allyson would like this guy.

Why not attack with a brick and use your arm as the lever on the down swing, then?

I mean really, now that I think about it....

The brick is just the modern, engineered version of the Sizable Rock, and lets face it, the long, noble, and storied military history of the Sizable Rock is quite impressive.

But in prison, presumably where one can have a blunt object like a five pound weight easily transported from a weight room, the preferred weapon is the shiv.

I think you're assuming too much about an opponent with a hammer. Like that your opponent is asleep, or perhaps on life support. Maybe blind.

Like that your opponent is asleep, or perhaps on life support. Maybe blind.

Those are unreasonable things to look for in an attacker?

I think we're just generally trying to hurt the bad guy in my kitchen.

Still, it's nice that he's so patient whily you resolve this issue.

I love you all and want to marry each and every one of you. Except Plei and her lameass Batarang.

I love you all and want to marry each and every one of you. Except Plei and her lameass Batarang.

Don't be dissing the Batarang!

Damn it.

Knowing me, I could take your eye out with the thing entirely by accident!

Besides, it's not like I'm allowed to have sharp objects.

You know, if you're trapped in the kitchen there are all sorts of dangerous implements you could throw. Glass that could be broken and used as a weapon, garbage, soapy water (from a pot you're soaking), the pot, hard-veggies like winter squash, canned goods. I would use whatever you could get your hands on until you can get yourself to an exit and skedaddle.

You are all gigantic freaks.