I'm not convinced there's a high risk to Guy Straley's intimates finding this discussion. Moreover, even if they do, we have been posting true things, not slandering. If it's all true, having a fantastic life story and being ungoogleable aren't insults, they just are.

I see two benefits of having this discussion. One, because in reading old bureau threads I think there was some bitterness about posters being unable to express (a) alarm over Zoe and (b) feelings that Schmoker=mieskie, both until it was pretty late. That kind of frustration builds until it blows up. Two, and I'm having trouble wording this, but I think it's a good idea to have a community-wide awareness of the signposts of pseudicide, if that's indeed what this is. Awareness keeps it from happening again, I'd think.

From the Wayback machine:

Chemistry Dept. Faculty and Staff from 2003

Emeritus Faculty and Staff

Thanks, bon bon. In a world like this where all we have to create community is our words, people feeling like they can't speak is what creates division, IMO.

Trudy, if they did wander in here I do not believe our discussion would add to their grief. I think they would clear up the confusion and answer some of our questions. People I know that are grieving usually want to share stories about their loved ones. All we have said here was that we loved the time Gus spent with us and that we wanted to honor his memory. Our honest attempts to discover what his wishes might be for a remembrance led us to discover that we didn’t know very much about the man.

If he was a fabricated persona I don’t have an issue with that, personally. That will vary with each individual here. I still enjoyed my time spent in conversation and flirtation with Gus. I do not however care to grieve if it is only a persona that has expired and not a real person. I only have so much emotion to go around. Therefore, I am curious to know the truth. If I don’t find out, I won’t lose sleep.

I understand your concern, Trudy. As one who has suffered many losses I honestly don't see where our conversation here would hurt any loved one of Gus.

"Dad really loved it here. They really seem to love him. Let's poke around."

Yes, but even so, there are so many threads they'd think to look at before one with an "Administrative discussions" slug. ISTM that if they know his interests and passions, they'd spend weeks roaming through Firefly, Buffy & Angel, Premium Cable, even Tech and BaBB, before thinking to look in an admin thread. This thread seems about as discreet as you're going to get without going backchannel and leaving many, many Buffistas out of the discussion.

Like many others, I loved Gus -- person or persona, he had a great sparky brain and a distinct voice and brought a lot to the board without asking for much back; I'm not mad about the deception, if deception it was (though puzzled -- if it was all persona, well, it was witty and interesting enough to sustain itself as a board member without the confabulations and I can't imagine why it would opt to complicate things by adding them).

I am mad about having spent my first New Year's Eve with my daughter not quietly enjoying the time with her and her dad, but grieving and fretting and falling into bed worn out and sorrowful. Just one lousy night out of my entire life, but there are friends and family, Buffistas and offline, whom I know to be real and to have suffered great sadnesses, and I hugely dislike the thought that I might have spent a night getting wrung out and depressed over a story -- not a story like Buffy that I walked into and engaged with knowingly, but one sprung on me by someone unknown for an unknown purpose.

Sure to be a very late xpost, as I'm typing slowly one-handed w/baby.

Not only is Scola a rock star, he be a super sleuth too!

Googling failed to turn up an entity called "Wisconsin Radiological Oversight Department" nor anything with a similar name that would lead to a WROD acronym.

I understand the fear of dissent or conflict avoidance and especially upsetting Gus' family if this pans out true and the only thing I'm looking for in this is confirmation of the fact that Gus died.

At this point it matters little what he did for a living or whether or not he was bitten by a monkey.

I don't want to debate whether or not a harmless lie is truely harmless but for myself, it undermines what I tend to believe about EVERYONE I "know" online and have dealings with. I tend to need factual confirmation because if Gus wasn't who he said he was, and if he isn't dead then I'm going to wonder about everyone on this board.

I've been on the giving and receiving end of love, generous gifts and tangible assistance and I would hatehatehate to second guess when it rolls around the next time.

That's why I want to find out, rather than living and let living (or dying in this case).

Here is my thinking: at present, we have a Shroedinger's Buffista.

Further investigation could un-Shroedinger him, but could also get into the maniacal "And your little dog too!" headspace if pursued uncautiously. Not on the individual level, a la Inspector Javert, but on the group level, where one person's idea of reasonable investigation is another person's idea of little-dog-too. Dropping investigation totally would leave some with an okay feeling of ambiguity, but would drive others bananas with the not-knowing.

And there's always the danger of the perception of piling-on, which we combat every time something contentious comes up.

But this is the place to talk about it, and we do -- obviously -- need to talk. Better to work with the feelings of the people we know read the board than try to plan for the feelings of people who might never read the board. And, better to talk about it now, while everything is fresh and lumpy in the brain, than later, when resentments and perceptions have hardened and become difficult to knead.

Wait! I think I can mix at least one more metaphor if I try!!

My general response is to say, "Goodbye Gus: we hardly knew ye," and let the ambiguity stand; but I can understand the impulse to confirm all possible confirmable details too.

it undermines what I tend to believe about EVERYONE I "know" online and have dealings with.

Yeah, I feel this as well. Things like this just...fuck it up for everyone. I tend to be pretty trusting online, and I take people at face value, so it annoys me to discover things like this. Hell, it makes me question how others might perceive me. I AM REAL, DAMMIT.