Here is my thinking: at present, we have a Shroedinger's Buffista.

Further investigation could un-Shroedinger him, but could also get into the maniacal "And your little dog too!" headspace if pursued uncautiously. Not on the individual level, a la Inspector Javert, but on the group level, where one person's idea of reasonable investigation is another person's idea of little-dog-too. Dropping investigation totally would leave some with an okay feeling of ambiguity, but would drive others bananas with the not-knowing.

And there's always the danger of the perception of piling-on, which we combat every time something contentious comes up.

But this is the place to talk about it, and we do -- obviously -- need to talk. Better to work with the feelings of the people we know read the board than try to plan for the feelings of people who might never read the board. And, better to talk about it now, while everything is fresh and lumpy in the brain, than later, when resentments and perceptions have hardened and become difficult to knead.

Wait! I think I can mix at least one more metaphor if I try!!

My general response is to say, "Goodbye Gus: we hardly knew ye," and let the ambiguity stand; but I can understand the impulse to confirm all possible confirmable details too.

it undermines what I tend to believe about EVERYONE I "know" online and have dealings with.

Yeah, I feel this as well. Things like this just...fuck it up for everyone. I tend to be pretty trusting online, and I take people at face value, so it annoys me to discover things like this. Hell, it makes me question how others might perceive me. I AM REAL, DAMMIT.

But this is the place to talk about it, and we do -- obviously -- need to talk. Better to work with the feelings of the people we know read the board than try to plan for the feelings of people who might never read the board. And, better to talk about it now, while everything is fresh and lumpy in the brain, than later, when resentments and perceptions have hardened and become difficult to knead.

I could not agree more.

it undermines what I tend to believe about EVERYONE I "know" online and have dealings with.

Oh, this would be sad. It makes sense considering the variety of 'cues' we don't have...in terms of reality checking with tone of voice, expression, etc. But some cliches just aren't true. It does NOT take just one bad apple to spoil the whole bunch.

And please don't hear me calling Gus a bad apple. As difficult and potentially painful for some as this experience has been, it has caused people to express how much they care about certain things...clarity, community, etc. That can never be bad.

Better to work with the feelings of the people we know read the board than try to plan for the feelings of people who might never read the board. And, better to talk about it now, while everything is fresh and lumpy in the brain, than later, when resentments and perceptions have hardened and become difficult to knead.

Entirely parenthetical to the discussion at hand, but this is even more concise and elegant than your Cheesebutt Statement.

eta: not that it has anything to do with Cheesebutt, but it's an even better example of Nutty's Elegant Spicy Brains.

There is nothing TO do, the ship has sailed.

Everyone here is far more concerned with their needs than anyone elses. They're more concerned with past upsets on posting boards than actual upsets of actual family members. They're going to pick things apart and analyze and investigate discuss it to death.

If you cared to be respectful you'd respect the privacy and discretion he used with his personal life all along. If you cared about the feelings of his family you would make whatever inquiries you "need" for "closure" discretely. If any of your grieving family members came in here and saw picked apart everything you had ever said? They would wish to contribute to this discussion? The hubris in this crowd is STAGGERING.

There is a MONTH until the "wake" (which consists of voluntary discussion and a voluntary contribution to charity ). This oh so necessary thorough vetting of the facts could absolutely be dealt with in email and live journals and everywhere else we gossip about each other.

Regardless of any "findings" (besides the fact that a guy with that name lived at that address and I don't know why this conversation didn't end five minutes after it started), someone warm and funny won't be contributing anymore. If we don't put up a thread on the 17th I'll put up a Live Journal post at trudybooth. Anyone is welcome to contribute to the reminice. Anyone who acts like an ass will be deleted.

Trudy, please don't do this. Please don't call us disrespectful, when everyone is trying very hard to respect everyone else involved in this.

Gus could end up being our own Adena Watson, a question mark of a case that will always be in black on the big board.

someone warm and funny won't be contributing anymore.

Can we include Madrigal, Knut, Rebecca Lizard, John H., Herself, Jengod, and erinaceous in that thread? They're warm and funny, and they don't contribute anymore, and a lot of us miss them.

t edit And what I mean by that snark is that the people I listed are very much alive, but have left the board. And at this moment, there seems to be adequate reason to think that perhaps Gus didn't die, and also just left the board.

I miss people who stop posting, but if they're still alive, holding a virtual wake for them is going a little overboard.

"Who the fuck were we chasing?" Another Wire reference for the road. Well, if this is fake, it'll have only cost me some virtual Natty Bo. But he better not come back here...there are easier ways to quit the board. He would wish he were dead, if he did that.(But I'm still gonna miss talking to him, or whoever that was.) But I'm not destroyed or anything...if he could fool me...he's good at it. I'm torn... between a tip of the hat and slapping his face(If it was a fake-out) I'm okay with the name being in red, honestly. And I would totally ask my mother to pass the word to b.org so that would not be the weird part...the weird part would be y'all in a strange city trying to rent a pool table for my corpse to give me a Ray Cole exit. But I hope they're not laughing at my honest emotions, cause that shit came from a real place, even if the relationship was so much blarney.

Dang, Trudy.