"Dad really loved it here. They really seem to love him. Let's poke around."

Yes, but even so, there are so many threads they'd think to look at before one with an "Administrative discussions" slug. ISTM that if they know his interests and passions, they'd spend weeks roaming through Firefly, Buffy & Angel, Premium Cable, even Tech and BaBB, before thinking to look in an admin thread. This thread seems about as discreet as you're going to get without going backchannel and leaving many, many Buffistas out of the discussion.

Like many others, I loved Gus -- person or persona, he had a great sparky brain and a distinct voice and brought a lot to the board without asking for much back; I'm not mad about the deception, if deception it was (though puzzled -- if it was all persona, well, it was witty and interesting enough to sustain itself as a board member without the confabulations and I can't imagine why it would opt to complicate things by adding them).

I am mad about having spent my first New Year's Eve with my daughter not quietly enjoying the time with her and her dad, but grieving and fretting and falling into bed worn out and sorrowful. Just one lousy night out of my entire life, but there are friends and family, Buffistas and offline, whom I know to be real and to have suffered great sadnesses, and I hugely dislike the thought that I might have spent a night getting wrung out and depressed over a story -- not a story like Buffy that I walked into and engaged with knowingly, but one sprung on me by someone unknown for an unknown purpose.

Sure to be a very late xpost, as I'm typing slowly one-handed w/baby.

Not only is Scola a rock star, he be a super sleuth too!

Googling failed to turn up an entity called "Wisconsin Radiological Oversight Department" nor anything with a similar name that would lead to a WROD acronym.

I understand the fear of dissent or conflict avoidance and especially upsetting Gus' family if this pans out true and the only thing I'm looking for in this is confirmation of the fact that Gus died.

At this point it matters little what he did for a living or whether or not he was bitten by a monkey.

I don't want to debate whether or not a harmless lie is truely harmless but for myself, it undermines what I tend to believe about EVERYONE I "know" online and have dealings with. I tend to need factual confirmation because if Gus wasn't who he said he was, and if he isn't dead then I'm going to wonder about everyone on this board.

I've been on the giving and receiving end of love, generous gifts and tangible assistance and I would hatehatehate to second guess when it rolls around the next time.

That's why I want to find out, rather than living and let living (or dying in this case).

Here is my thinking: at present, we have a Shroedinger's Buffista.

Further investigation could un-Shroedinger him, but could also get into the maniacal "And your little dog too!" headspace if pursued uncautiously. Not on the individual level, a la Inspector Javert, but on the group level, where one person's idea of reasonable investigation is another person's idea of little-dog-too. Dropping investigation totally would leave some with an okay feeling of ambiguity, but would drive others bananas with the not-knowing.

And there's always the danger of the perception of piling-on, which we combat every time something contentious comes up.

But this is the place to talk about it, and we do -- obviously -- need to talk. Better to work with the feelings of the people we know read the board than try to plan for the feelings of people who might never read the board. And, better to talk about it now, while everything is fresh and lumpy in the brain, than later, when resentments and perceptions have hardened and become difficult to knead.

Wait! I think I can mix at least one more metaphor if I try!!

My general response is to say, "Goodbye Gus: we hardly knew ye," and let the ambiguity stand; but I can understand the impulse to confirm all possible confirmable details too.

it undermines what I tend to believe about EVERYONE I "know" online and have dealings with.

Yeah, I feel this as well. Things like this just...fuck it up for everyone. I tend to be pretty trusting online, and I take people at face value, so it annoys me to discover things like this. Hell, it makes me question how others might perceive me. I AM REAL, DAMMIT.

But this is the place to talk about it, and we do -- obviously -- need to talk. Better to work with the feelings of the people we know read the board than try to plan for the feelings of people who might never read the board. And, better to talk about it now, while everything is fresh and lumpy in the brain, than later, when resentments and perceptions have hardened and become difficult to knead.

I could not agree more.

it undermines what I tend to believe about EVERYONE I "know" online and have dealings with.

Oh, this would be sad. It makes sense considering the variety of 'cues' we don't have...in terms of reality checking with tone of voice, expression, etc. But some cliches just aren't true. It does NOT take just one bad apple to spoil the whole bunch.

And please don't hear me calling Gus a bad apple. As difficult and potentially painful for some as this experience has been, it has caused people to express how much they care about certain things...clarity, community, etc. That can never be bad.

Better to work with the feelings of the people we know read the board than try to plan for the feelings of people who might never read the board. And, better to talk about it now, while everything is fresh and lumpy in the brain, than later, when resentments and perceptions have hardened and become difficult to knead.

Entirely parenthetical to the discussion at hand, but this is even more concise and elegant than your Cheesebutt Statement.

eta: not that it has anything to do with Cheesebutt, but it's an even better example of Nutty's Elegant Spicy Brains.

There is nothing TO do, the ship has sailed.

Everyone here is far more concerned with their needs than anyone elses. They're more concerned with past upsets on posting boards than actual upsets of actual family members. They're going to pick things apart and analyze and investigate discuss it to death.

If you cared to be respectful you'd respect the privacy and discretion he used with his personal life all along. If you cared about the feelings of his family you would make whatever inquiries you "need" for "closure" discretely. If any of your grieving family members came in here and saw picked apart everything you had ever said? They would wish to contribute to this discussion? The hubris in this crowd is STAGGERING.

There is a MONTH until the "wake" (which consists of voluntary discussion and a voluntary contribution to charity ). This oh so necessary thorough vetting of the facts could absolutely be dealt with in email and live journals and everywhere else we gossip about each other.

Regardless of any "findings" (besides the fact that a guy with that name lived at that address and I don't know why this conversation didn't end five minutes after it started), someone warm and funny won't be contributing anymore. If we don't put up a thread on the 17th I'll put up a Live Journal post at trudybooth. Anyone is welcome to contribute to the reminice. Anyone who acts like an ass will be deleted.

Trudy, please don't do this. Please don't call us disrespectful, when everyone is trying very hard to respect everyone else involved in this.