I didn't assume the other characters knew, but it wasn't their perspective that bothered me, it was the show's--IOW, on some level I can't quite articulate, I feel like the show itself was too hard on Buffy and not sufficiently hard on Riley throughout ItW and AYW.

The audience knew, and I don't see any reason to assume the characters weren't told offscreen.

See, I think that if it's never brought up again onsscreen the default assumption is the status quo. Because you could just as easily assume that Buffy was told about the big lie offscreen at any point during seasons 3-6, until we find out on screen during season 7 that she hasn't been told.

Giles, at least, should have been able to connect the dots between Riley's disappearance and Buffy's anger about consensual biting.

You think? Because I don't see it. Maybe because I need people to flat out tell me things.

I can't remember if it came up one way or another during AYW.

It didn't come up at all. Buffy didn't even mention it. Yet another reason why I dislike AYW.

And serial-posting..

I think that it's unfair to blame her friends for not being able to read Buffy's mind and basing their actions only on what they'd been told and seen.

I agree that we can't expect mind-reading. But in terms of dramatic form, everything the show tells us is that the breakup was Buffy's fault. It clearly wasn't, and the imbalance between what the audience sees (Buffy being understandably preoccupied by her mom's illness, Riley going out and cheating in a really terrible way) and what the characters say happened (Buffy withdrawing, Riley acting out in an understandable and forgivable way) interests me.

I didn't assume the other characters knew, but it wasn't their perspective that bothered me, it was the show's--IOW, on some level I can't quite articulate, I feel like the show itself was too hard on Buffy and not sufficiently hard on Riley throughout ItW and AYW.

Bingo, Susan.

Because you could just as easily assume that Buffy was told about the big lie offscreen at any point during seasons 3-6, until we find out on screen during season 7 that she hasn't been told.

I did assume this, actually. And went on assumign it until i posted the day after the ep aired and everyone explained to me that I had misread the scene.

I still think it's silly that it was kept a secret for four years, then came up in one conversation and never again, but that's my loathing for loose ends of the un-pointed variety.

it wasn't their perspective that bothered me, it was the show's--IOW, on some level I can't quite articulate,

THIS is what I am trying to articulate.

I agree that we can't expect mind-reading. But in terms of dramatic form, everything the show tells us is that the breakup was Buffy's fault. It clearly wasn't, and the imbalance between what the audience sees (Buffy being understandably preoccupied by her mom's illness, Riley going out and cheating in a really terrible way) and what the characters say happened (Buffy withdrawing, Riley acting out in an understandable and forgivable way) interests me.

I think the problem - and this was my problem with Riley pretty much from when I came into the show in mid-S4, though I am part of the minority that was *less* irritated with him when he went off the deep end in S5 - is that we were getting Riley's POV on events. It was at its worst in S4, when we lost any grip on a character arc for Buffy in favor of Mister New Character This Season, but it pops up again in ItW when we're really more asked to see things from his point of view than hers.

THIS is what I am trying to articulate.

And articulated very well--that's exactly what I meant. It's like the show showed one thing and told the exact opposite.

Buffy tends to shut down in a crisis and not talk about what's going on inside her head. I assumed that she did't tell anyone about Riley becaus that fits with how she's handled other sitatutions.

I agree with Elena (although she's trying to steal Spider-Man from me, but that's a different thread) -- I don't think the viewer is ever supposed to assume information was revealed offscreen if we never see the characters acting as though they have this new knowledge. That puts way too much of the onus on the viewer, and, frankly, is sloppy storytelling. And I also don't think Xander's Big Lie OR Riley's A Suckjob Ho were revealed offscreen.

I feel like the show itself was too hard on Buffy and not sufficiently hard on Riley throughout ItW and AYW.

Preach it. In ItW, Riley acted as though it was Buffy's fault he had to go seek out suckjobs. Which, if he were going to human hookers, would never ever ever fly as an excuse, and should have been hammered on way harder w/r/t the suckjobs.

I still think it's silly that it was kept a secret for four years, then came up in one conversation and never again, but that's my loathing for loose ends of the un-pointed variety.

On this we agree 100%. I thought it was an excellent bit of continuity that would cause a massive uproar in the fandom and the relationships on the show. Instead it was nothing. And in retrospect it seems like an attempt to pander to long time viewers.