But, Heather, there are plenty of well-known events: Angel goes to Hell; the school blows up; Xander lies; Buffy dies. These have all been discussed here and elsewhere for years without acronyms. Spike's attempted rape of Buffy is the only such event to get acronymed, and I think it's because of the reasons I listed above.

All those are shorthand, as is AR.

I get sick of typing "attempted rape" over and over and over again in the course of an argument or discussion.

The big difference I see between the AR and the alley beating is that Spike consented to the beating.

There is, of course, that.

Which, given the number of times I see the beating in the alley used to say "see? even!", just kind of makes me mad.

I am currently having to decide whether to take back a husband who left me and our two small children six months ago for another woman. I consider that betrayal to be a lot worse than a one-off incident of violence or sexual violence.

Heh. I take it from the rest of the context that you haven't experienced the latter, and I pray you never do, because no one should. But, in my experience, being left for another woman doesn't leave you flinching away from a hand getting too close to your face or leave you fighting panic attacks and flashbacks at a sound or smell that reminds you of the incident.

Of course they were never consistent in portraying Spike's character (to put in mildly - see Allysons rift on ME continiutiy and how much sense any of it makes). But I think the attempted rape, was quite consistent. It was Buffys reaction later that seemed out of character. Yeah she was always very forgiving. But there were always lines that if you crossed she would not forgive, or at least not forgive easily. I just can't see her forgiving Spike as easily as she did. She was already partway to forgiving him in the same episode. I can't buy her moving on to taking comfort in his arms, whether or not they had the pre-apocalypse sex or not.

In short I think haveing the AR was a mistake, but not inconsistent with the characters. It was a mistake because to deal with it properly would required more energy, and probably more story bandwidth than they were willing to spare.

I wish they had played it as the fact that the First Evil saw Spike as a threat meant they had to keep him around and that Buffy was very uneasy about it.

In short I think haveing the AR was a mistake, but not inconsistent with the characters. It was a mistake because to deal with it properly would required more energy, and probably more story bandwidth than they were willing to spare.

Gar, that's pretty much where I am with it.

I think it's the adjective. If it had been a rape, people wouldn't call it the R. They'd say stuff like, "Buffy has been hunting down a lot more penis demons since the rape." "Attempted rape" lends itself to abbreviation because the words always have to go together.

I think if they had Spike try to vamp Buffy it would have negated his entire story since he got chipped. The irony of the attempted rape was that it was because of the "progress" that he'd made.

To bring something old up again, Gleebo was criticizing Buffy for her "what am I, Saint Buffy? He's like three feet tall!" attitude. Now, is it completely unreasonable to ask someone to date someone they're not interested in, or is it just asking too much? I could post, "It would be nice if Buffy would invite Anya out for coffee. I know she doesn't really like her, but she's all alone after 'Selfless' and could use the company." That wouldn't be all that controversial. Posting, "Willow should give Fred a chance -- just a mercy date, Fred's been pining after her for so long," I see as the same idea, just asking for a lot more charity from Willow. One is asking to donate blood, the other is asking to donate a kidney.

All the posts that said, "Why should I date someone I'm not interested in?" seemed kind of law-of-the-jungle to me. Some people aren't charming or attractive enough to deserve a date in the natural order of things, but we don't always let harsh reality have its way. So I'd rather have heard, "Wish I was that much of a saint, but giving up Angel to string along Xander is just too much to ask," instead of "XANDER?!? No way!"

(More of a my-stuff post than a BtVS post.)

Funny thing is Noum, and I just thought this. I wonder if Buffy...not sure how to do this in the contxt of the show. If I were Buffy, I might have accepted Xander's invitation to the formal had it not been clear he liked me so much.

What I mean is that I have accepted a date, not out of pity, because using that word would be a grave injustice to the wonderful guy I went with, but because it seemed to be something he'd enjoy even though I'd made it clear we wouldn't be "dating."

So I'm not sure that not accepting a date from someone you're not interested in is the law of the jungle. I'm pretty sure that accepting a date from someone who is hoping it becomes something is.

Buffy and Xander:

I agree with Heather, and also? We have to factor in the Buffy/Xander friendship, because Buffy did.

Xander wasn't just some guy who wanted to go out with her. Xander was one of her two best (and only close) friends (and Buffy very well knew her other best friend had feelings for him). Buffy knew she didn't have romantic feelings for him at the time, and although if random!boy had asked her to the dance, she might have given it a shot, things not working out with random!boy would not have had the potential to hurt her two best friends, and Buffy herself, that things not working out with Xander would have. She did the honorable thing.

In my opinion, the attempted rape and the beating in the alley are equally bad and equally requiring of forgiveness.

Buffy was disgusting during the beating in the alley. Buffy had also been told, while having sex in the Bronze, while it was open, that she belonged in the dark with Spike, by Spike. For all I know, the memory of administering that beating may be why Buffy seemed to give Spike a pass for the attempted rape. It would have been nice if the writers showed me that, though. And if they did, I would still want to see that the hero of a girl-takes-back-the-night show, saw that although she did something horridly abusive and disgusting, and that she was very wrong in the doing, she still didn't deserved to have Spike try to rape her. Too bad we never got that story. If they were going to start it, they should have finished it.

Let's remember though, in addition to the fact that Buffy is going to best Spike in any tit for tat game we play, Spike had been, for quite some time, trying to convince Buffy that she was just as bad as he, that she came back wrong, and that she didn't belong in her world, with her friends any longer. He latched onto that the way a starving baby latches on to a nipple.

Spike showed up in the police station alley determined to stop Buffy, in any way possible, from going to the police about Katrina's death. I haven't rewatched Dead Things lately, but if I recall correctly, after telling her he wasn't going to *let* her do what she wanted to do, and his words weren't stopping her, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back into that alley. She punched him away or something, and he vamped out and blocked her way out of the alley, grabbed her, and threw her down. The beating didn't start until after that, and once it did start, he TOLD her to put it all on him.

Buffy didn't burst into his crypt and beat him - out of the blue. He went looking to keep her - by force - from doing something. Granted, to his (souless) way of thinking, he was protecting her. And, as it worked out, it's good that she didn't turn herself in for Katrina's death. But he didn't know that when he went to stop her. He just couldn't *let* her do it, regardless of who killed Katrina.

In Seeing Red, Spike burst into Buffy's bathroom to show her how she was supposed to feel. She didn't tell him to come over. She didn't tell him to interrupt her bath. When he knocked (an already injured) her against the tub and to the floor - she didn't tell him to put it all on her. She told him, "No" and, "Stop," and "You're hurting me". And she cried. And she struggled to get free. And he kept trying to insert a part of his body into a part of her body, despite her refusal, and despite her tears, words and struggling, because in his eyes, he "knew" what was better for Buffy than Buffy did.

There's no equating the events. What she did in Dead Things was ugly, but Spike submitted to it; he even invited it. If I were going to compare that alley beating to another event on the show, I'd compare it to when Buffy basically made a dying Angel feed off of her in Graduation Day, except the GD feeding was rather erotic, while the beating was stomach churning. In that instance, Buffy would be in the Spike role and Angel would be in the Buffy role. At any rate, administering that beating to Spike in Dead Things is one of the events that led Buffy to the conclusion that they shouldn't be together.

And when you add up everything that happened in the S/B relationship, I think she has more to be forgiven for. And not just because she's the heroine and is supposed to KNOW what good behaviour is.

Granted, they weren't equals. Buffy had a soul during season 6. Spike did not. Certainly, expecting a higher standard of behavior from her is not wacky. But comparing them, is like comparing an upset human to a rabid dog.

With the exception of the alley beating (which he began by not allowing Buffy to do what she wanted to do concerning herself), and with the exception of her going to him and asking him to tell her he loved her, after she first saw Riley in As You Were, it seems to me that Spike initiated most of their contact. I guess Gone is an exception to that as well. Also? Buffy never, for one moment, led Spike to believe this was any kind of love match for her.

But the attempted rape becomes this huge thing, and the alley beating is just forgotten.

The attempted rape was a violation of the trust they'd built up during their time together (particularly during their sexual trysts but not exclusive to those trysts) in a way the beating wasn't. I mean, let's pause for a moment and remember the first time they consummated their "relationship". Physical fights were standard for them. After all, it's how they met in the first place.

But why trot out the alley way beating at all? To what end, I mean? To tell us the season 6 relationship demeaned Buffy? Denigrated her? We already know that. We agree. I don't see the logic in using it as a support to the argument that they should be together.

I have no problem with Buffy forgiving Spike. I think she needed to for his sake and hers. I have a problem with how the writers told the Buffy-Spike story from Seeing Red through to Chosen. It interested me the entire time. Often, it was the main reason I tuned in. But it wasn't a Their-Love-Is-So pure story. It was a My-Word-They-Might-Be-Worse-For-Each-Other than Buffy-Angel-Were Story.