I think this place is like any group environment--say, college. In any group there will be those who respond to the lost freshman by rolling their eyes and pointing at the Registry office. There will be those who say hello and walk them over there and maybe ask them where they're from. There will be those who say "Didn't they give you a map?" and look at them as if they're morons. I would prefer that the first repsonse to anyone who is lost would be to be welcoming rather than cold or punitive, but I can't legislate others' behavior, nor would I want to. The only behavior I can be responsible for is my own.

Speaking as a reserved and moderate poster -- Rafmun, please stop putting words in my mouth.

I just want to someone to tell me when snarking became a bad thing around these parts. Exact time, date, and post number, please.

The fabulous thing about buffistas is that we call each other on bullshit, make relentless fun of that which deserves it, and give far more to charity collectively than any of us could together, knit for each others babies, bring Nilly to the states, support each other, and then call each other on our bullshit yet again.

A community where everyone is falling over themselves trying not to offend -- not just each other, not just some lurker who will suddenly appear to tell us we're all big meany-heads, but some theoretical granny in Des Moines who might never post because we're so scary -- is not a community I want to be any part of. In fact, it's not a community at all; it's a bunch of strangers who don't know each other well enough to snark, and probably never will (because none of them are saying anything worth getting to know).

But then I'm not reserved, not moderate, and not even possessed of an inside voice.

No one has brought it up with me, either in-thread or backchannel. I wish now that someone would have, because this community is very important to me -- more than you can imagine -- and I in no way want to damage it.

Yes. This. If I am doing something that is causing strife, it is sure to be unintentional. I would much, much rather be called on my behavior than to let things fester and build.

One of the creepy things about reading through all of these posts was wondering if I was one of the people being referenced in one way or another. I tends towards paranoia on a good day.

One of the creepy things about reading through all of these posts was wondering if I was one of the people being referenced in one way or another.

I was just fairly certain of it. But, that's because I know I'm stubborn and opinionated about this place. And because at some point, my name came up. But mostly the stubborn and opinionated part.

I didn't realize that how often I, or anyone, posted influences the direction of the board. We used to run totals of who posted the most in a given month -- perhaps we should do so again.

Steph, please respect my decision to move on.

I thought I was one of the activist posters too. And that's what makes the vague generalities so damn annoying. It's like a preacher looking out on his congregation and saying "You have sinned, and I know who you are." I'd always assume he's talking to me. Except in this case we didn't voluntarily come to the sermon, and we've never heard of this preacher.

Please respect my choice to move on.

One last attempt...

Rafmun, if you toss out a bold statement, that many people disagree with, the burden of proof is on you.

You have made no attempts to prove your statement, you just put it out there and insited it was true, and claimed that anybody disagreeing with you was trying to misdirect the converstation.

Now, while people are still trying to get you to back up your claim, you say you want to drop the subject.

This is really disingenuous. You're basically doing exactly what you say we're doing, and being very cheeky about it by insiuating that some people are real assholes, without directly coming out and saying it to their faces.

I'll be bold and say I pretty much think really unpleasant things about you, simply because of your tactics through this whole thing. Tactics I think you've been using on purpose, to push people's buttons.

Respect your choice to move on? I don't think so. You've shown no respect at all to many of us, why should I return that courtesy now?

I think a lot of examples have been provided in this discussion where words and actions have driven people away - new and old.

Oddly, Megan, I've been here for this whole discussion and I don't remember any concrete examples being offered up. Care to Nilly them for me?

t /flamebait

Rafmus, this discussion is about more than your post, and I'd like you to please respect the need of the other posters in the thread to continue working towards some resolution, even if only for themselves.

Steph, please respect my decision to move on.

Um, no. Not Steph, but no. You don't get to let the monkey out of the cage and then walk off saying "I'm tired of the monkey, can we please talk about something else?"