Actually, I've apologized for it, several times. I'm at a loss to understand why you'd prefer to ignore that.

I can't take it any more. I'm much better at resisting my urges to translate for people nowadays, but I give up.

Okay, consider the following scenario:

Person A to Person B: You're stupid because you're Hungarian!
Person C: I'm offended by you saying that. Apologize!
Person A: I'm sorry I offended you.

...time passes...

Person A: Yeah, that Hungarian thing? I totally meant that, and I said it trying to hurt Person B. I'm sorry that Person C got caught in the crossfire, but I still think I was right to say it.

So given that Person C was already upset by the original incident, does it make sense that they'd continue to be upset by you saying that you don't regret the behavior that upset them in the first place?

Give up on resisting my impulses, that is, not give up on Allyson.

I'm going to hazard a guess and say that you may want Allyson to regret she said what she said, but that you don't want her to lie to you, right?

Are you really insistent that she tells you an untruth every time it's brought up?

Or do you want to force her to change her mind?

Yes but Katie, you're forgetting this part of the equation:

Persons D-ZZ: You know, Person A said that thing to Person B that was completely inappropriate. I'm still offended by that.

So given that Person C was already upset by the original incident, does it make sense that they'd continue to be upset by you saying that you don't regret the behavior that upset them in the first place?

But, uh, I DONT regret it. I can apologize that my lack of regret hurts you, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't regret it. You seem to want me to change my feelings on the matter. They're not changing. It seems that I am supposed to pretend that I feel regret.

Also, it had been let go, long ago, and then readdressed. I explained my position, and you don't like it. It doesn't change my position, though.

I'm sorry that person C got was hurt by something that wasn't intended to hurt them. I am, for the billionth time, not sorry that I was mean to Zoe.

That bothers people. People want me to be sorry that it bothers them. I am sorry that you are bothered. I am not sorry about the thing that caused the bother, only that, you know, I want bother you again.

You're talking in abstracts, and I am discussing this one, specific situation.

Persons D-ZZ: You know, Person A said that thing to Person B that was completely inappropriate. I'm still offended by that.

Which, FWIW, bugs me worse than any freaking comments that may or may not have offended.

Of course, I wasn't offended in the first place. So sue me.

I'm going to hazard a guess and say that you may want Allyson to regret she said what she said, but that you don't want her to lie to you, right?

Are you really insistent that she tells you an untruth every time it's brought up?

Or do you want to force her to change her mind?

"I" was trying to avoiding bringing a personal pronoun into it, actually. In general, I think these kinds of conversations Do Not Help. But since you asked, I'll answer. I think the optimal solution would be for it not to have been brought up a month or whatever later, because it's over and done with. Given that it's been brought up, I don't have a good solution. My emotional reaction is fairly close to Nutty's, but I think picking at it is going to do more harm than good.

If you want the optimal outcome in the Universe Of Katie, then Allyson regrets intentionally attacking Zoe and undergoes a miraculous change of heart, vowing never to do such a thing again. Zoe then spontaneously finds herself some other board to enjoy, and my allergies mysteriously disappear so that I can get a kitten. I do not believe that any of these outcomes can be reached through online discussion, though, which is why I attempted a translation in the hopes of ending it.

The use of subhuman: I didn't like it. It set off an alarm and offended me.

Berating Allyson for her lack of regret: I don't like it. It sets off an alarm and offends me.

Discussing it circularly: (guess what) I don't like it. It sets off an alarm and tires me.

If you want Allyson to be officially warned or reprimanded or bitchslapped, can you just say it? Because then we can work through that instead of doing the dance of accusation, innuendo and defense.

Personally, I don't want a censure of Allyson. I think that bringing it up NOW is not really helpful.

Ooh, that last message sounds snippy. I don't mean to sound snippy, I'm just being overly precise. Sorry.

In general, I think these kinds of conversations Do Not Help.

I think the optimal solution would be for it not to have been brought up a month or whatever later, because it's over and done with.

I think picking at it is going to do more harm than good.

I just thought these bits of Katie's post summed up most of my feelings.

Zoe drives me crazy. Annoying, but I have a high tolerance. But for this kind picking at old scabs, NSM.