I am not okay. Turned off the news at 1AM. I can't believe fear and hate won.

I have to take the dog to the vet. I have a nail appointment this afternoon. I have to help my son with work stuff. I don't want to leave the bed. Ever. I don't want to see people because X number of them created this mess.

My heart goes out to you from afar.

I don't feel worse than in 2016, because I was totally blindsided by those results.

Yes. Not shocked but even more appalled

Yes, Steph and -t have put into words what I haven't been able to articulate.

I guess I'm taking the day off and going back to bed.

I found out at 5 when Bob checked his phone. I took some Xanax which helped me go back and sleep for a few more hours of this terrible day at least. I have to get out of bed and work somehow soon though

I didn't get any sleep at all last night. And since there's construction going on in my building, I'm at work.

Yeah, I took an Ambien last night and still woke up at 6 and checked. And then I couldn't get back to sleep. Had my cry, now at numb, called out of work, climbing back in bed.

I doubled my Ativan dose to get to sleep (my regular dose is very low, so doubling it is still well within a normal dose range), and then when I woke up at 4 to pee, checked the news and saw it wasn't looking good, I took another 1/2 an Ativan to ensure I'd get back to sleep. Whatever's still in my system is probably why I'm more or less on an even keel right now. Like, ragey and scared, but in a chill way? We'll see what happens when the drugs wear off.

And my regular therapy appointment is on Wednesdays, so I've got that to shore me up later. (I guess we'll shift from talking about one bigoted narcissist [my dad] to the more politically prominent bigoted narcissist.) I do have to work, but I can't guarantee I'll finish anything today.

Also, it feels like a migraine is trying to start, which honestly the lesser problem.

We just got leave to "take/do/be whatever you need to today" from work. Would that I knew what that was.