Hope you are holding up ok, Plei

Heh. I wish. Unfortunately, Ticky had an adverse reaction to the antiseizure med she started in November, or, well, we suspect that's what caused the severe rash that sent her to the ER, BUT, they wanted to rule out a whole bunch of other stuff and keep an eye on the rash, so they admitted her, and when they discovered she was no longer immune to measles despite vaccination, put her in an isolation/quarantine room. Because the rash started Friday after titrating up, a lot of lab work couldn't really get done until Monday, so she's still stuck in there, the steroids for the rash are making her moody, we can't visit her actual room (we can FaceTime outside it while looking in), she already had enough medical trauma before this (her FND flared up in October, too, so she's back on a forearm crutch), and this year sucks so much.

Plus, all the stress of the year made me backslide on diet and exercise after a couple of years of getting back into shape and healthier, so I just feel gross and defeated.

I am so sick of having to try to hold it together, and I know I have to, but I feel like Job. And my immediate side of the family has effectively fallen apart. I don't have my mom. My sister's in a group home. My brother is...well, still crazy, but somehow now the less crazy sibling. Dad's stuck in memory care. The empty lot that used to be my childhood home is still an empty lot with no forward movement on the permits.

I don't even want to hope that things will get better. I feel like hoping things will get better is just going to make the universe make them get worse. And the bitch of it is that because this is all situational, realistically, there's nothing I can do but push through it.

Shreddies:

I try not to talk about it too much. Talking about the whole means looking at the whole, and I cannot do that and still function. Like, just giving that high-level overview made me cry and feel overwhelmed. I have to compartmentalize to function. I know that, at the moment, therapy would actually be counterproductive for me. But it's just been crisis after crisis after crisis.

I try not to talk about it too much. Talking about the whole means looking at the whole, and I cannot do that and still function. Like, just giving that high-level overview made me cry and feel overwhelmed. I have to compartmentalize to function. I know that, at the moment, therapy would actually be counterproductive for me. But it's just been crisis after crisis after crisis.

That's way too much!

Wishing Princess Tickybox health and mood stabilization and escape for isolation.

I'm sorry, Ple. Wish I had some happy distractions for you.

One small and trivial bright spot: I decided to go in on group buy with a jewelry designer that made a ring I have that I really like and got through a different group buy, as this time, he had a send in scrap gold for credit option, and because I used to pick up all kinds of damaged jewelry when gold was cheap (and my aunt was a serious metal detecting person), even after the cost of the palladium ring I'm getting made, I have almost $2000 in store credit with him. Like, holy fucking shit. Love that for me.

I don't think I spent more than $75 total on anything that was in the scrap I sent. So, you know, thanks, goldbugs?

I'm so sorry Plei. I how that Princess Tickybox can get out of isolation and some good medical outcomes

And I hope you can get some relief from all the stress.

What David said, Plei. Sending you all love.

Plei, that is all so much. All of the health vibes toward your child. And continued coping vibes to you for dealing with everything from the rest of your family.

Plei, I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much. Tons of health~ma for Tickybox.

ltc had her Christmas concert today wearing one of the sweaters I bought her yesterday. She made me move the pin I bought her at the consignment store at least 6 times this morning, and I couldn’t tell if she was still wearing it at the concert. Now I’m hiding at moms for the day. Mom’s sciatica is bothering her, stepdad’s neck hurts, and I hurt everywhere from overdoing it with errands. So, we’re quite a group right now. We’re all reading and have on food tv for background noise.

That is way too much, Plei. I'm sending the ~ma to resolve things and keep you functional in the meantime. Cool beans on the jewelry news.

Aw Plei. All I can offer is that dark times end. Right now, you put one foot in front of the other and maybe tip your eyes up now and then and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep being the wonderful mother, daughter, and sister you are here. And when you can squeak in the minutes to be your own you, do that - but if there is comfort or rest in a little more junk food and little less exercise take that comfort and rest and don't beat our friend up for that - she's going through a lot.