I didn't like her, even when I loved her.

I've had a lot of talks recently with friends in my generational cohort, who are now over 60 and have been dealing with a lot of loss/mortality and personal health issues.

The consensus from the far side of 60 is: I don't have time for that.

Everyone is becoming keenly aware that they are getting to the short side of their timeline, and nobody wants to spend emotional energy on toxic relationships.

The other point of consensus is just that everybody is focused on an exercise program that's going to maintain functionality. We've all experienced and seen that if you're not moving your body regularly your range of possible activity begins to shrink in a hurry.

The other point of consensus is just that everybody is focused on an exercise program that's going to maintain functionality. We've all experienced and seen that if you're not moving your body regularly your range of possible activity begins to shrink in a hurry.

One bonus from Tim's back surgery is that, because he is 100% committed to doing his PT exercises and riding the exercise bike or walking on most, if not all, days of the week, he is in *excellent* physical shape. Not just "good shape for a 57-year-old guy who had major surgery," but "excellent shape overall." (And although it's not strictly related to functionality, his butt has never looked this good, in 18 years of checking out his butt. Bonus for me!)

his butt has never looked this good, in 18 years of checking out his butt. Bonus for me!)

The all important butt-bonus!

I kind of want to buy this house for Emmett and Matilda: [link]

It's on the same block as the Ice Cream Bar and a block from Zazie.

I’m having the worst anxiety right now ( I have no idea why) and I just can’t.

sj, do you have pain that masquerades as anxiety? I have a lot of trouble with intracostal muscle tension and have had multiple meltdowns where I realized the next day were actually pain-driven, but i couldn't feel it until later.

And I'm sorry, I know how much you wanted to go. It's good that you are modeling self-care for F.

beekaytee, will Sanity Camp be online? I'm interested in learning more. And Laura, bold of your friend when there's the whole thing about the stranger within your gates or whatever.

Over the last couple of years, the phrase in my mind is "I am done chasing people." I feel like this whole time in New Orleans, I have struggled to find community (outside of Heather's family, of which i am now an honorary member). I'm done being the one to always make plans, to being there for my sister even when she is actively hateful to me, to chasing a Teacher's Pet high with my bosses, to twisting myself into a pretzel for something that might be akin to love. Im sure I will slip and struggle, but its a mantra for me now.

On another topic, I went a couple weeks ago and got a bra fitting and two sturdy bras and now ever day I'm like Willow in Doppelgangland. "Gee, look at *those*!" My own boobs keep startling me, it's been a minutes since they were this close to my chin. The sportsbra gives me 50's bullet boobs and i kind of love it.

In contrast, I already have loose plans in NC with our own Calli and her neighbor A, going to an art gallery with a colleague, mocktails and fries with my old boss, women's pro soccer with A, a trip to an art supply thrift store with a bellydance bud, a possible interview on local radio about my organization coupled with a possible dance party fundraiser, bellydance with someone from my old troupe, etc etc etc.

An old rugby friend invited me to be their guest at a pool this summer. Multiple people have offered to help me unpack/decorate and they actually mean it.

I know I will be missed here, and I will miss people and things, but the contrast is startling. And highly validating.

I kind of want to buy this house for Emmett and Matilda: [link]

It's on the same block as the Ice Cream Bar and a block from Zazie.

Those are 2 points very in the house's favor!

nobody wants to spend emotional energy on toxic relationships.

Totally agreed. This friend is not toxic; her way of communicating just suddenly annoys the crap out of me. Someone described it as "like being interviewed by an NPR reporter." So, it's not her; it's me, but also, it's her.

The other point of consensus is just that everybody is focused on an exercise program that's going to maintain functionality. We've all experienced and seen that if you're not moving your body regularly your range of possible activity begins to shrink in a hurry.

Lordy, yes. Pool tomorrow! And treadmill Thursday!

smonster, that is great to hear about how right this decision was for you... I love to hear all the plans and genuine offers to help and being enveloped in the community so easily again. That's why I moved back to this area, and why I hope never to leave again. And, yeah, an old boss once said, "The prize never chases," and you, my friend, are a prize for sure.

sj, I'm sorry, and good on F for being so compassionalte. That's some rockstar parenting shining through, there... just sayin'

Hec, yep, that house'd do.

Someone described it as "like being interviewed by an NPR reporter." So, it's not her; it's me, but also, it's her.

I think I set the bar too high at "toxic."

I'm seeing people tighten up their friend circles, drifting away from high maintenance relationships. People like beejay's friend who can be strident or inflexible, or smonster's friends who don't invest energy in maintaining the relationship or your friend whose positive traits are offset by a pretty aggravating one.

Happier with a smaller circle of people who have shown they will be there, eager for your company, fun to be with. Where the positives are abundant and the negatives minimal to nil.

One of my friends is ending a 15 y.o marriage because she couldn't tolerate her husband's Libertarian politics as they grew increasingly out of alignment with her progressive views.

(Also he's running for office and she's not willing to be the "wifey" in his campaign, especially since she doesn't support his stances.)

And, yeah, an old boss once said, "The prize never chases," and you, my friend, are a prize for sure.

Well, that is an excellent mantra and a lovely compliment. Thank you!!

I hear you, Hec. If the relationship doesn't spark joy and meaning, give it a Kondo "thank you for your service" and peace out.

Good for your friend getting divorced and refusing to be wifey.

(PS if anyone wants to see my bullet boobs the cleave is visible in a post from today on fb)

(PS if anyone wants to see my bullet boobs the cleave is visible in a post from today on fb)

Trying to think of the non-Boorish way to say, "I noticed that!"

Once again, I'm reading a piece on nuclear power (specifically Bill Gates attempt to create a new, cheaper, smaller reactor that's more cost effective) and wishing I could quiz Ginger, or Ed for that matter, on what the fuck is a "molten salt battery": [link]