I rebounded to sanity and deleted my responses to my friend who was being wrong on the internet. So wrong, but if I am going to debate her I would rather do it face to face.

It's such a strange time. I'm working on a program that I'll run next month called, Sanity Camp. The title is tongue in cheek, but there is a real need for discernment and centering right now.

One of my friends from the March (38 years ago...a very deep, storied friendship) used to eviscerate wrong ones on the regular. A few days ago, someone on her feed said a dumb thing. I gently responded and he came back with some extreme, toxic masculinity...like glaringly toxic. My friend deleted my comments, which weren't all that vitriolic, I swear. She basically summarized my comments, with my words, and somehow apologized to TM man.

This is the friend who once said to me, 'now that we know what's wrong with you, we know what's wrong with the friendship.' I'd just come from a therapy session and had bared my soul. Ultimately, she was disappointed that I didn't want to live on the edge of society, sticking it to the man by stealing and sh*tting in a can. That's not an exaggeration.

I've been thinking a lot about the things we hold onto, and on a walk with Cagney, a phrase came into my head that fixed some things for me.

I didn't like her, even when I loved her.

I've had a lot of close relationships that I worked _hard_ at because I bought into that socially prescribed expectation. But, now I see things differently.

According to the Weather Service, Maryland had seven tornadoes last week. As far as I can tell, no one got a trip to Oz out of any of them,

There is a very cool video that someone from the other side of my building took, of a tornado roughly a city block from my apartment!

When the tornado alarm went off on my phone, I thought it was silly. I guess not! But, what made it interesting is that the funnel didn't reach a pointed bottom like you see on the news. It was more of a canning funnel than a liquid funnel. No trees lost, that I'm aware of, which is refreshing. On Capitol Hill, a gentle breeze would knock down trees.

People. Weather. Weird.

People. Weather. Weird.

Indeed.

It was more of a canning funnel than a liquid funnel.

Keep in mind that the visible condensation of moisture in a tornado funnel is a side effect, and does not necessarily show the full extent of the funnel.

I didn't like her, even when I loved her.

I feel that. I have a friend right now whom I love and is family, but who drives me up a wall (not politically) these days. Oh, well.

I am unreasonably tired today. Like, I think I may go snooze for twenty minutes right now tired. I think I need more (any) exercise. Must get back on a regular pool schedule. Like, tomorrow.

I didn't like her, even when I loved her.

I've had a lot of talks recently with friends in my generational cohort, who are now over 60 and have been dealing with a lot of loss/mortality and personal health issues.

The consensus from the far side of 60 is: I don't have time for that.

Everyone is becoming keenly aware that they are getting to the short side of their timeline, and nobody wants to spend emotional energy on toxic relationships.

The other point of consensus is just that everybody is focused on an exercise program that's going to maintain functionality. We've all experienced and seen that if you're not moving your body regularly your range of possible activity begins to shrink in a hurry.

The other point of consensus is just that everybody is focused on an exercise program that's going to maintain functionality. We've all experienced and seen that if you're not moving your body regularly your range of possible activity begins to shrink in a hurry.

One bonus from Tim's back surgery is that, because he is 100% committed to doing his PT exercises and riding the exercise bike or walking on most, if not all, days of the week, he is in *excellent* physical shape. Not just "good shape for a 57-year-old guy who had major surgery," but "excellent shape overall." (And although it's not strictly related to functionality, his butt has never looked this good, in 18 years of checking out his butt. Bonus for me!)

his butt has never looked this good, in 18 years of checking out his butt. Bonus for me!)

The all important butt-bonus!

I kind of want to buy this house for Emmett and Matilda: [link]

It's on the same block as the Ice Cream Bar and a block from Zazie.

I’m having the worst anxiety right now ( I have no idea why) and I just can’t.

sj, do you have pain that masquerades as anxiety? I have a lot of trouble with intracostal muscle tension and have had multiple meltdowns where I realized the next day were actually pain-driven, but i couldn't feel it until later.

And I'm sorry, I know how much you wanted to go. It's good that you are modeling self-care for F.

beekaytee, will Sanity Camp be online? I'm interested in learning more. And Laura, bold of your friend when there's the whole thing about the stranger within your gates or whatever.

Over the last couple of years, the phrase in my mind is "I am done chasing people." I feel like this whole time in New Orleans, I have struggled to find community (outside of Heather's family, of which i am now an honorary member). I'm done being the one to always make plans, to being there for my sister even when she is actively hateful to me, to chasing a Teacher's Pet high with my bosses, to twisting myself into a pretzel for something that might be akin to love. Im sure I will slip and struggle, but its a mantra for me now.

On another topic, I went a couple weeks ago and got a bra fitting and two sturdy bras and now ever day I'm like Willow in Doppelgangland. "Gee, look at *those*!" My own boobs keep startling me, it's been a minutes since they were this close to my chin. The sportsbra gives me 50's bullet boobs and i kind of love it.

In contrast, I already have loose plans in NC with our own Calli and her neighbor A, going to an art gallery with a colleague, mocktails and fries with my old boss, women's pro soccer with A, a trip to an art supply thrift store with a bellydance bud, a possible interview on local radio about my organization coupled with a possible dance party fundraiser, bellydance with someone from my old troupe, etc etc etc.

An old rugby friend invited me to be their guest at a pool this summer. Multiple people have offered to help me unpack/decorate and they actually mean it.

I know I will be missed here, and I will miss people and things, but the contrast is startling. And highly validating.

I kind of want to buy this house for Emmett and Matilda: [link]

It's on the same block as the Ice Cream Bar and a block from Zazie.

Those are 2 points very in the house's favor!