2020 has been a lot.

Owning a small business with employees where my primary business is themed entertainment and theatre during a pandemic where it's deadly for people to gather in groups has been one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with.

The good news is we have made it to the end of 2020 and so far I'm still standing. I was able to find a way to keep every single one of my employees. I'm still paying healthcare for all of my employees. With the next round of PPP coming I think we will have a runway to still be here when things start to come back, and the optimist in me is pretty convinced once people can gather again the floodgates are going to start to open on work.

Overall, I'm just exhausted. This continues to feel like a marathon that doesn't have an ending, but I just need to get up each day and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I want to sleep. I want to rest. I want to have a few days where the background chatter in my head isn't the constant wall of worry for my staff and for me.

2020 did have some bright spots, the biggest of which is the connection that is growing with my genetic family. So many of you have been here for all of the journey on this. I connected with my birth mother last year, and this year was supposed to be when we would meet in person. Alas that didn't happen, but I have now met (through zoom) my two half sisters and their families, and they have welcomed me with completely open arms. I have 5 new nieces now. We all text and message regularly and are all so looking forward to meeting in person. For me this has all been a wonderful gift.

In the process of pivoting for my business we moved out of the office in Pasadena, which was the last connection to a city that Kristin and I loved and where we lived for so many years. I now have a small warehouse in Valencia, and we have all moved to primarily working from home, and that will continue after the pandemic. As part of that we converted 400 square feet of our massive garage into a home office that is amazing, so that's been incredible.

Finally we ended 2020 with the news that all of the waste water cast iron plumbing in our house has rotted away, and we will have a plumbing company here for most of the next month jack hammering and cutting concrete since we have a slab foundation and all of that plumbing needs to be replaced. You can imagine the cost of that. So yeah, one last kick in the teeth on the way out.

Sigh.

2020 has felt like being a raft builder on a hill next to a flooded river. I’m an elearning developer at a university, and usually my department helps instructors who want to try something new or expand their ideas about their disciplines to students outside of our school. So there are moments of stress or extra work, but generally it’s pretty chill and fun. This year we helped hundreds of instructors who suddenly learned they’d have to move their classes online. Many of them had never used our online course system before. Our support tickets as of early September were 300% higher than for all of the previous year, and we were responding to them 12 hours/day, seven days a week at peak times. The higher ups gave us fulsome thanks and a 10% pay cut. I know I’m lucky to still have a job, and one I can do from home to boot. But it has been a bit stressful at times. Spring’s looking less intense, even though we’ll still be mostly online, as almost everyone has a handle on the basics now.

Outside of work, I’ve lost an uncle to the pandemic, but my niece seems to be bouncing back. I had my first Christmas away from family ever, but I got to wake up Christmas morning in my own bed for the first time in over a decade. I have concerns about my friend’s health, but I’m able to visit occasionally at lunch, which feels like a gift.

The whole year has brought home how much I love my work and want to be physically closer to family. It’ll be interesting to see how to meld those two impulses.

Also, I’ve developed a strange obsession with teardrop trailer mods.

2020, mang

We've been unbelievably fortunate, and yet it feels like a lost and hopeless year.

We bought a fabulous new house and moved in 5 days before the first stay home orders. Which means we've had plenty of time to settle in, but on the other hand one of the major reasons we wanted more space was to entertain more, so uh yeah about that.

We're both able to work at home, and we finally have space to do it without going crazy being right on top of each other. Spouse's job is blessedly steady. I've had to go through two job hunts in the weird times - the job I had at the beginning of the year ran out of funding; job 2 sounded dreamy but was such a bad case of burnout city that I ended up fighting panic attacks and physical illness within a couple of months; I was able to take a few months off and work pretty much full time on campaign volunteering, which was a different kind of exhausting, but also allowed me to get back to the feeling of doing something that wasn't just nonstop grind, and to feel like I did all I possibly could've done to make a difference in the election. Now at job #3, which is with a great team I feel much better with than I have in several years. Job hunting sucks and doing it multiple times in a year is an outright horror.

We meant to put our previous house on the market in the spring and sell it (based on what the local market was doing at the time) by summer. Instead, we got it on the market in summer and finally got a signed contract on it a few days ago.

I hate how much of this year has been staring at budgets (and talking about it. I'm way over money talk being taboo but it's still fucking boring.). And yet... we could. It could be so much worse.

Current cat census is 3. They are all tremendous goofballs.

Like Susan, I also watch birds.

I miss the hell out of going basically anywhere else.

I turned 50 a few weeks ago, and it turned out surprisingly okay. I dyed my hair blue for election day and it's time for a refresher this weekend, just in time for the last few days of the Georgia runoffs.

The good news is we have made it to the end of 2020 and so far I'm still standing. I was able to find a way to keep every single one of my employees. I'm still paying healthcare for all of my employees. With the next round of PPP coming I think we will have a runway to still be here when things start to come back, and the optimist in me is pretty convinced once people can gather again the floodgates are going to start to open on work.

Watching you navigate this with the priority of taking care of your employees and your business with a will to survive has given me much hope. I know it hasn't been easy but you & K have been amazing to watch. I admire you a lot.

We also have been bird watching A LOT more. Expanded our bird houses and feeders. It's given DH no small amount of joy.

This year has been hard. I'm reluctant to say the hardest because there have been a few other huge events that have been hard in different years, but as far as just sustained pushing to make it through the year, this one takes the cake.

Thank you for the kind words. I try to always take to heart that I have my business because of the people who work for me. It helps me to focus when the hard decisions come.

Oh, my Buffistas. I hesitate to use the word "challenging" as that's Corporate shine to polish shit.

But we have been sore challenged this year. Or let us use Ahab's phrase to describe the whale: "He tasks me." We have been tasked.

I am so deeply impressed by all the teachers who have had to negotiate this strange landscape of a year. I know it is exhausting.

And such deep respect for everybody who worked so hard (often well out of their comfort zones) on this election.

ND, I too have deep admiration for your ethical commitment to your staff as you worked through the worst possible economic circumstances for your industry.

I'm so sad about DXM.

I'm sad but also happy that we have made time to love on Amyth. I wish we'd had that time with ita, DXM and Ginger and Connie and BJ and Ouise and Frankenbuddha. To tell them that they were loved, and central to our community.

Our family has had a bad year. JZ lost her father to Covid. We had a quarantine at the beginning of the lockdown, and were dependent on friends (like, Deb, and Juliana and Martin) to stay fed.

Matilda lost so much this year. Her grandfather. Her hopes for high school. Her friends. Separated from her brother.

And we have moved through Jacqueline's grief and Matilda's depression and loss, setbacks and obstacles, each of us deprived of the sustaining graces we depend upon. Time alone. Outward focus. Friendships.

We are poised on a new year. I am ready to release grief, and stress and tension and move into it.

I am ready for a new day.

That is beautiful David. I too am ready for a new day.

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Wrong thread.

I... can't even begin to sum up the past year, except to note both that it has left me a wreck and that I'm still acutely, shamefully aware of my privilege. How many people do I know (including my David) who had lost one parent or both long before now? And also to note that this community has been a lifeline during many, many terrible months, and I'm infinitely grateful. With how terrible I still am about posting and staying current I don't deserve it, but I feel it, and it's kept me from flying into pieces.

And Matilda, my Matilda, has felt it all so much more crushingly than I have and has had to deal with all my losses and more, and David has picked up so much emotional slack and kept us both so much more anchored and steady than either of us was capable of on our own.