The panic has eased up (still super overwhelmed, though; just not full-on hyperventilating and sobbing), and now I'm so, so, so, SO fucking angry. I want to sort this out, get Dad's guns safely out of there, and then I want to never, ever speak to him again.

I'm not sure how much I mean that. It feels like I mean it a lot, right now. I'll probably mean it less, later. Probably.

My brother's plan is to tell Dad that he got an unexpected break in his schedule and decided to fly home for a quick visit, and find out when is a good time to visit with Dad. That way Dad knows that we're coming, and expects us, so he shouldn't be sitting there with a gun behind the door.* My brother is 6'2" and whatever a proportionate weight is for that height. Not skinny, is what I'm saying. And my dad is like 5'8" and 140 lbs and 79 years old. So as long as Dad doesn't have any firearms in the living room, my brother's plan is to sit down for a conversation and tell Dad that he has to turn over his guns. If Dad would object to the point where he gets physical (I seriously doubt that he would, but then I don't know what state of mind he's in), Jeff is certainly strong enough to physically wrangle Dad. (Honestly, I would be able to do it. I can sit on him if worse comes to worst, and gravity is a harsh mistress.)

It also happens to be my brother's 45th birthday tomorrow (nothing is more fitting for our family than to celebrate a birthday dealing with our fucked-up parents, and that's not in any way a joke; childhood birthdays were not always awesome with a couple of alcoholic narcissists for parents). But my point is, my mom texted and said "When you're finished with your Dad on Sunday, maybe we [Mom, Stepdad, Jeff, Tim, and I] can get carryout to celebrate your brother's birthday!" (She knows the entire situation, so it's safe to say that her suggestion was tone-deaf as always, and 100% UNsurprising.)

This is just the most perfect microcosm of how fucked up my parents are. Jesus Christ. (Like, of course Dad's situation is not in any way Mom's responsibility to manage. However, she's gotta know her adult kids are going to be super stressed about dealing with this and may not want to party.) (On the other hand, I'm not going to want to cook, and I could eat a shitload of Indian food to decompress.)

*(And yet it's super surreal to be having a logistical discussion about What To Do If Dad Has Guns In The Living Room. What even is my goddamn life.)

And I should have said this first: THANK YOU, everyone, for your support. Y'all are the goddamn BEST.

I'm so glad to hear the panic has subsided to merely pissed off, frightened, and sad.

I want to sort this out, get Dad's guns safely out of there, and then I want to never, ever speak to him again.

Go ahead and feel that way! Its not a blood-oath and its not an entirely terrible idea. Go ahead and feel that way and let your brain sort through it as it will.

You're processing this. You're moving through this. You're doing a good job. Hang in there.

Kind of glad to hear you are angry, Tep, that sounds like an appropriate response (panic was also an appropriate response, if you are not sure about that)

Teppy, your bro doesn't give a flying fig about how clean your house is, so long as he has a place to crash -- he, too, is full of worry, emotion and brain weasels about this whole situation. He, like you, isn't thinking about dust bunnies (elephants in my case).

I keep looking at Other Real Estate in Wooded or Ocean or Moutain places. Because my job really stinks at the moment.

I have ordered a mountain of Pad Thai with tofu *and* sushi. Well, okay, only 2 pieces of salmon nigiri. So less of a mountain and more of an...appetizer? But fuck if I was cooking.

Glad the panic has eased some, Steph. You and your bro are good people. I... don't actually have a follow up for that. It just is a true statement.

Yay food!

But fuck if I was cooking.

Yet another valid response! You are full of them today!

And pad thai with tofu sounds awesome...maybe I'll adjust my dinner plans.

I hope the food is good and the anxiety eases up.

I am so so so glad that my brother and I were 100% on the same page with my dad about his guns. We do not want them and you either deal with them before you leave Texas or we will have them all destroyed. The two male Texas cousins have them all, I think. Dad could have/should have sold some of them to dealers and made some good $$, but he is sentimental and wanted to tell the stories about them all.