Also Sulla, I am so glad your dog is OK and that you can afford it.

I woke up with a bit of a sore throat and I'm sure we all agree that I surely CANNOT be sick, so I'm just going to ignore that for a while. Maybe it's a reaction to being home for a week with different allergens.

Sophia and shrift..yall are not alone in wondering and having elaborate systems.

Sophia rhere are a lot of people who have been getting by for most of their lives and then the pandemic happened and their structure and coping mechanisms was disrupted. I've seen this on tiktok and in some FB things as well where people are suddenly realizing why they have all these systems in place.

It's never too late to get a diagnosis and see a doctor and try medicine if you want.

Turning 48 is what spurred me to really do something about the RSD. It was a rough birthday for me. I still get caught in the trap of looking at other people and feeling bad because it doesn't seem like I'm doing as much or as well. There are other people who are autistic and have ADD and have trauma and also have careers or do significantly more than I do so why can't I?

But I'm finally understanding and accepting that I developed coping mechanism that were based mostly on avoidance,.repressing feelings, and escape and for a time it helped with the emotional pain but it put roadblocks in the way. I'm not a bad person for that , it's not even really a failure because it kept me from a lot more self destructive things. I've also learned to make space and time for the anger and grief I have over all the opportunities and experiences I lost because of that. Giving myself that means I can move forward and do things I couldn't before. Not everything obviously but probably more than I realize and new stuff as well.

I'm also becoming more aware of how my feelings of failure and rejection push me into these emotional spirals. Which have also held me back from things. In the past at other jobs I've been given more responsibilities and acknowledgements for my work and I haven't been able been able to build on it. I've known that but I've dismissed the positive (I had everyone fooled, they would have figured out I was faking it) and obsessed over the negative. It takes a lot of work for me to be proud of what I was able to do and start to believe I was worth it but that had meant I feel ok about asking for more responsibility at work. Even though dealing with constructive criticism is going to be a battle to remember it's not rejection. Which is another reason I want to try medicine for RSD. I can work through the feeling but not having the feelings or not feeling as strongly means I can use that mental energy for something else.

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Dana I hope it's just allergies.

Dana, definitely allergies.

askye, that is some deep learning and progressing.

In news of the silly, I just almost spit out a sip of coffee because I laughed at a funny to me response I thought of to text my friend. Yeah, I almost caused MYSELF to do a spit take. That takes some skill, I tell you what.

I am extra magpie-y this morning, super hard to focus and the inter webs keep calling for my attention.

I need to stay on task and get some stuff out of my email.

There are PEOPLE in the office! the huge space I've had all to myself for the past 15 months now has OTHER PEOPLE in it. ack!

There are PEOPLE in the office! the huge space I've had all to myself for the past 15 months now has OTHER PEOPLE in it. ack!

I've been feeling the same way about the train every morning - when I started going into the office it was empty, now I'm having to SHARE SEATS WITH PEOPLE WHAT THE HELL.

Oh, no, Toddson! I hope they don't bother you too much.

askye, you are awesome in that I-am-in-awe sense. That's a lot of work you've done and are doing.

{{Dana}}

My brother is visiting my parents and I came down to work in my dad's office and be sociable and it is WEIRD. We were all ahhhhh-hugging-feels-scary but we did it and it IS scary but also nice.