my mother has gotten a few cortisone injections...she says they really help.

I think we've made progress on actually getting my dad the short-term things he needs while we try to get him into a sleep study, complicated by the fact that he also tested positive for COVID so his PCP was leery about seeing him in person last week. Have strongly encouraged my mother to stop trying to clean the house and be a potato, but I'm unsure it'll work. (I'm much further along on my journey with the whole "must be productive to justify my existence" thing, but oh my god.)

My siblings are checking to see if they also have sleep apnea, so I may buy a pulse/blood oximeter monitor for myself to check if that's something I also need to be concerned about in our grab-bag of wonky genetics.

Very cautiously optimistic but prepared for another round of WTFery, which of course means that I've got ants who seem to be coming in near the bathroom. There is no food for you there, ants!

It's hard to see and also incredibly upsetting and stressful to deal with.

I don't have any advice, but I can echo everyone else and confirm that you've done so much for J. You've given him money and a long runway, and I wish he was using that energy to figure it out instead of lashing out at you both.

Yes, I meant to say and now realize I didn't, you are not an infinite resource for J to draw upon even if you wanted to try to be. I know it's hard but you absolutely need to be looking out for yourself and what you can handle (financially and emotionally and in any other way you feel stretched or pressured) now

I hate to say this, and obviously see what the lawyer has to say. But I think you might want to consider starting eviction proceedings. This doesn’t feel like a situation that’s going to improve.

And for that matter, I don’t think giving him any more leeway would even be helpful, even if you could do it. Sooner or later, he will have to figure something out.

I hope I’m wrong. And I’m so deeply sorry that this has turned into one more painful thing in this whole awful situation.

shrift, I’m glad to see you’re seeing some progress and feeling optimistic.

Pix, holy shit. You gave him TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS and he is still asking for more from you?? Good god. I do truly feel for him, but you have gone *well* beyond anything he could have reasonably expected from you. I really hope he gets his act together soon and moves on, for his sake and for yours.

What Kate said. JFC. Also what brenda said about eviction, because I really doubt he's going to figure anything out without a huge kick in the pants. He cannot be your problem.

On a lighter note. My org has rec.ently updated "Women in Tech" to "Women Transfemme & Nonbinary" which means I am now getting emails inviting me to "WTFNB" events, which I am unable to see as anything other than What The Fuck, Non-Binary.

That is hilarious

Very cautiously optimistic but prepared for another round of WTFery, which of course means that I've got ants who seem to be coming in near the bathroom. There is no food for you there, ants!

Grrr, ants! But yay, cautious optimism. Here's hoping.

Ugh, I have had ants recently and they are defying the usual bait--they're suddenly loving the dog's food, and he is uninterested enough in food to only want to eat it when he wants to eat it (usually if I am also eating, so he knows it's not a trap and I'm not giving him food so I can LEAVE HIM), and while they haven't been crawling into his bowl, he tends to leave bits of kibble scattered about. BOO ANTS.

Shrift, I will be cautiously optimistic for you and your family. It's so hard.

But. BEST NEWS EVER. After I sent a very stern email to him threatening (nicely) consequences if he didn't get out, he first sent an email today saying it must have been a miscommunication because he didn't intend to squat (again, we are pretty sure he was shitfaced and doesn't remember everything he said)...and then, just a little bit ago, sent an email saying he found a place and is starting to move out tomorrow, planning to be out completely by this weekend. I AM SO RELIEVED.

Pix, that is excellent news! So glad to hear it!

Fuck yeah, Pix!