I look back now and realize how unprepared I was to lose my parents as young as I was.

My brother and I were talking about this last night. For us, my dad started having heart attacks in the early 90s (which was my junior year of college and my brother's sophomore year of high school). We both came to terms with the assumption that Dad would have a heart attack that killed him in probably his 60s, or very early 70s if he got extremely lucky. Instead, he's 82 and his heart just keeps on going. Obviously we didn't want him to die in his 60s, but statistically it seemed likely. Neither of us were prepared for these massive mental issues, because we just didn't think he'd live long enough to get here.

(The flip side is that if we inherited his heart disease, it seems like we're very likely to live to a ripe old age despite Velveeta hearts. I'm already several years past the age when Dad had his first heart attack, which obviously isn't a guarantee of anything, but it does make me feel somewhat like I may be in the clear. [When I turned 50 I texted my brother "I made it to 50 without a heart attack! Suck it, Lang DNA!" and my brother — who was 45 at the time — replied "Way to put the pressure on me."])

When I turned 50 I texted my brother "I made it to 50 without a heart attack! Suck it, Lang DNA!" and my brother — who was 45 at the time — replied "Way to put the pressure on me."

Hah this sounds like my siblings.

We’ve been expecting my dad to pass from one thing or another for the past 20-some years (he started doing the whole “well I might not be around next Christmas…”) and so it was very startling when my mom passed last year and he’s still ticking. But I am glad that while he’s got plenty of health issues, his mind is still with it.

My mom and 2 of her siblings lied to my grandma about stuff to make her life easier. Or used phrasing so they wouldn't have to. When she was assisted living ,after her house had been sold (my aunt had power of attorney) she would ask about her house and the reply was "it's where it's always been " or if she asked about relatives who were dead " they are still doing good/still in (where ever)". Which wasn't too much of a lie.

Getting grandma not to drive was the hardest thing. It took her losing her wallet to finally stop because he's didn't have a license.

I still have a cold of some type. I slept most of Tuesday when I came home from work , Wed and yesterday I didn't sleep so much lay around tiredly. I'm back to work today and have tomorrow off. No fever. Just tired, stuffy nose, cotton head feeling . Plus my period started so lots of ick.

Getting grandma not to drive was the hardest thing.

I once had a distant relative who wouldn't stop driving, so one of my cousins took the rotor arm from the distributor in her car.

She was alert enough to call her daughter to say, "Would you drive me to the store? My car wouldn't start," but not alert enough to remember to try to have it fixed. Each time she tried to start the car, it was a fresh surprise that it wouldn't start.

One of the saddest things I remember as a kid visiting my Grandma Prior in the home she was in was each time, at some point, she'd sort of do a tally of who was there and remind herself which grandkids we were, who my mom was, and then she'd get to the part about my dad where she'd say, "And Dave. Dave is dead, right?" and then sort of contemplate how wrong that was, you could see in her momentary silence.

Makes me tear up thinking about it. Perfectly happy to see her grandkids and then remembering about her youngest son being gone again. She was, by all accounts, quite an amazing woman; I wish I'd known her when she was younger, but she had her kids late, and my parents had me when they were forty, so she was already well into her last years and suffering from dementia when I became conscious of what a grandma even was.

My closest cousin and I have different approaches over something like this. She wants to do everything she can to make things as easy as possible for my mother, whereas I encourage Mom doing her own shopping, household chores (as much as she's able), activities with the church, and so on. Being active and getting mental stimulation is the key to keeping that kind of function as long as possible, and I don't want her to end up like a great aunt of mine who spent her last 20 years bedridden.

JenP I had similar experience regarding grandparents. By the time I was 5 three of the four had already died, so I didn't really know them. I pretty much only know them from pictures.

Well, the inevitable finally happened. I was bitching about clients and thought I was on mute. I was not on mute. Fortunately it wasn't anything too terrible, and I halfway covered my ass. It's a stupid habit, though, and I should have known better.

I'm a little frazzled because this weekend an uncle by marriage died (cancer, expected, no sympathy required), and we started making plans to attend the funeral, and then on Monday the funeral was abruptly moved to this coming Monday, so I had to deal with those plans. And that also meant figuring out how the new overlord handled time (I am getting bereavement leave to attend the funeral, which is nice), and we're changing computers and email addresses and juggling software licenses and I'm still having to do some stuff on my old computer.

My Fridays are normally nice and calm.

Back on lying to people with dementia -- it is definitely best practice. Both what our Alzheimer's Association called "theraputic fiblets" and also the improv-style "Yes, and" make things feel better for both you and the person with the dementia.

Hang in there, everyone.

Yah, I often thought it would've been kinder if her dementia had been just ever so slightly worse... but the way she would always ask was for confirmation that she remembered right. Which she did.

It's such a bummer, right, ND? I've always envied that my sisters really knew our paternal grandparents, exchanged letters with them and such. I don't even remember my granddad. He died when I was maybe 2 years old.

On my mom's side, her dad died in his forties, so no chance there. I remember her mom quite well, but... she was truly awful to her children (not to us), so I never really bonded with ol' Ella.. or wanted to.

My heart goes out to all of.you who are dealing with aging parents and difficult relatives who need care and the attendant really hard parts about it all. It's hard, and frustrating, and heartbreaking, and exhausting. I'm sorry.