Ahahahaha. My mother just called, no doubt meaning well, to try to get me to...take my sister's side? Accept her reality? (Did I mention my mother has "mild cognitive decline"? There's that, too.) And maybe if I hadn't been on the phone with her husband when the shit hit the fan (as in, mid-conversation about next steps in trying to get her healthy when she called from the hospital saying she was checking herself out), I'd buy some of it, but I was, and I can't, and now I think my mom's mad at me, and anyhow, fuck everything.
I truly hate this so much. There is no way to solve it without making things worse or breaking relationships completely. There might as well be no way to solve it, period. My chronically ill sister also apparently doesn't have insurance now because...hell if I know. Balls, they got dropped. Probably by her. If I had the money to just hire people to untangle the clusterfuck, I would, but I am not a person with unclusterfuck money. And unclusterfuck money can't fix a broken mind.
Listen, I have a great relationship with my family* & my brother & I have been each other’s rocks (he was out there for a 4 day weekend Jan 26 when it all went south. He left Feb 13.) AND IT’S STILL SO FUCKING HARD. Throw in difficult people, and …godamn. I’m sorry.
* mom & dad both got mad at me on multiple occasions. And I definitely got exasperated. But it blew over, it always will. I described myself as turning into a stepford wife crossed with nurse ratchet to my brother & he about peed himself laughing, it was so on the nose. I don’t think he’d seen that side of me. Nor me seeing how he manages mom so much better than I. I am so much like my dad in all the ways that rub her wrong, even after 58 yrs (but she’s used to it from him.) Way too direct.
It was a strange, illuminating, painful & scary time. And it will come again. And it’s not really over. I’m still outside myself. There are Things in a box on a shelf and I’m eyeing them warily. My life basically paused for 3 weeks and existed only in a space between Doña Ana county & the hospital.
Unfortunate cross post with you, Plei.
Love to you & a flamethrower.
msbelle, mom and stepdad have similar insurance. I’ve been avoiding my looking into it because as someone already disabled I’m not sure if I even qualify or if the cost would be ridiculous.
I just looked up the company mine is with, Protective Life. I think you might have to get the long term care stuff via a financial planner, as I do not see it on their consumer facing website. I use Edward Jones and know two agents I really like if anyone is looking for someone. You don’t have to be in the same area or even state of your agent.
I got LTC insurance a couple of years ago through my work. (It’s paid directly rather than through paycheck withholding, so that it survives your employment if you move on). It’s similar - if I don’t use it and croak, it converts to life insurance.
As someone with no spouse and very limited family (and for that matter the only one of my siblings who is reasonably financially stable) it was on my “I should do this” agenda for a long time so I’m glad it got put in front of me.
All I've got for everyone is, "That's rough, buddy."
So much sympathy for those dealing with difficult/mentally impaired elderly parents. I only had to deal with that for a month many years ago, and it's so much more difficult than just dealing with physical health problems. It's weird to say, but Dad's final month was much easier on me, because he was only confused a few times and remained cooperative throughout—working together to deal with circumstances isn't nearly the emotional wringer that fighting against your loved ones to care for them is.
