Timelies all!

~ma to Pix and her dad and Steph and her dad.

Mr. S has been having tantrums at night several nights recently. I don’t know what is triggering them, but I’m tired of it all.

The biggest wedding I’ve ever been to, the bride was from a Lebanese Catholic family in Toledo. There were so many cousins, but her father said it was such a small wedding compared to his generation, when 700 people was normal (she had about 300.)

I would like to be there for the informal F2F and JZ's memorial. As soon as the dates are firm I can request them off. I also realized I haven't flown in almost a decade...whenever the last time I went from Vermont to Florida.

shrift--if you try the Hug sleep I highly recommended the foot pocket option if you don't always like things pressing on your feet or toes. And this can you can travel with easily vs a weighted blanket.

So the gummy mom got me has delta 8 CBD and I've been very very mellow for most of today. Which sucks because I wanted to do things today but I just couldn't get myself to focus enough to do anything. In the future I will be taking less than half

Unfortunately I can't do the 18th, since we'll be in Oklahoma for my niece's HS graduation, but since that day seems to work well for most so far I can just raise a glass westward from Tulsa.

I generally stick to the birthday announcements, but today is a very Buffista anniversary. Thinking of Pix and NoiseDesign this day in gratitude that they found each other to share all the joys and sorrows that life sends their way. Happy anniversary!

David, the 18th works for us, and we should be able to come early. May 19th is the anniversary of the first Buffista board in 1997.

Tep, fingers crossed that your dad gets back on the meds and off the hallucinations.

~ma to those sick and those dealing with family sickness. I’m on the tail end of this flu.

My mother went through it with her mother, and I know she learned some lessons from that, but it's easy to tell yourself you won't be that stubborn and not so easy to do it.

I was often tempted to call my mom by her stubborn-ass father’s name when she was ill.

I probably can’t make it for JZ’s memorial because I will be in NC the week before, I think. Combined work trip and being there with my dad around my mom’s birthday/Mother’s Day/ yahrzeit. But I will be there in spirit.

I’m just happy we are together today. Marriage is about a shared life and that means sharing the highs and lows. Bill is very dear to me as well so I’m glad to be out here to spend some time by his bedside.

No real additional news. He’s still in about the same shape.

Continued ~ma and happy anniversary, ND and Pix.

Also belated happy birthday to shrift and everyone else I missed here in the past month.

It is bizarre on the home front. Days are full with so many different kinds of heartbreaks and grief - I never knew they were that many - but also with little joys and usual life stuff. It is heartbreaking to me that I can't come to the border with Gaza with trucks of food, the same way I couldn't save anyone on Oct. 7th. It is also heartbreaking to see how many people with political power are trying to make that loss into worse loss than it already is.

I am still slowly trying to make sense of the news. Of Oct. 7th, of the low key war in the north and the hundards of thousands of those who had to evacuate, of the negligence and incompetence and cruelty of this government, of antisemitism and Islamophobia, of my friends with spouses and family members serving. Of so many people who don't know what to do with their fear that they turn it into hate. There is little that we can do right now, but every little action feels like everything. And at the same time, I have my world here. My friends, my solidarity groups. There are cafes and bars and music and shows. Everything has an aftertaste of shock and grief, but there is so much life happening here and now. I came back today from a pop up patisserie‎ and meeting with a friend, and there was a moment on the bus back home where I stopped for a second, wondering if I should feel anxious about exploding busses again since I'm in Jerusalem and we're at a low key or full blown war that's happening an hour, 3 hours, and 4 hours drive from me respectively. And yet a lot of life aspects feel normal. Most of the time it doesn't feel like war, until it is. Or until you read the news, or a tweet. Or when you google a place on TripAdvisor to see when it's open and see the travel warning to the area. It is uncanny to know how much the basic sense of security isn't distributed evenly here.

A post I read online said that feeling of horror is also the feeling of lack of purpose, and I see so many good purposes and intentions and actions here. I'm finally able to concentrate in reading and writing, which I wasn't really being able to do in the past three months. Also some future planning, which was too difficult to grasp as well. And tomorrow marks 3 months since it all started.

I don't know what the future holds here. I really don't. But I know impermanence. And I know there will be a strike next Sunday against the government. And I know I'll have cholent ready in 2-3 hours. And I know that next week I'm able to donate blood again, after that donation on Oct. 8th and the 9 hour queue (because there were thousands there). For now, that's more than enough. I'm grateful for what I have, and also heartbroken for those around me who need so much more security, food and shelter. I wish I could feed them all.

Shir, it is always so good to read your posts, both just to see that you are okay and to get your perspective and thoughts which are always so sane and thoughtful. I'm so glad I know you.

Shir, it is always so good to read your posts, both just to see that you are okay and to get your perspective and thoughts which are always so sane and thoughtful. I'm so glad I know you.

That is exactly how I feel, as well.