Good call Smonster. Those "Civil standby" calls (where "civil"=non criminal situation, maintain the peace while someone collects belongings or moves out or does whatever they need to do safely and with backup) are a great service that I often wished were more available and more used. Domestic stuff can go sideways so very fast.

I had a pleasant thanksgiving with friend and her family. She lost her Dad last year on the 23rd, and there was much discussion among mom and two adult kids over what day he actually passed. Mom remembered Nov 23rd because she had to sign and date all the paperwork. Daughter remembered "day before thanksgiving" because it was Wednesday last year. Son remembered "two days before thanksgiving" because two days after he passed we did a slightly delayed big ritual sacrifice with pie since that's when they were all able to pack up and travel.

I made stuffed persimmons from my backyard tree which were amazing. Next year I'll stick with persimmon pie, even if there are already three other pies (pumpkin, apple, and peanut butter freezer pie for the youngest who only likes that one kind of pie.) Four pies is fine for ten people, right?

My sister texted me late Wednesday night along the lines of "Dad told you what's going on, right?" but she doesn't do phone calls and stopped responding to texts so of course Thursday morning was all frantic phone calls and texts trying to not be frantic. He's been in the hospital since Monday after two weeks of difficult breathing and significant abdominal bloating due to internal fluids. It's apparently all a medical mystery...he has a raft of health issues that complicate, but aren't The Issue. Liver values are terrible (life-long alcoholic, so not shocking) and cardiac values are terrible (quadruple bypass surgery in 1995 so also not shocking) but still doing rafts of tests. His girlfriend K (who is a retired ped pysch nurse, but a nurse) is the one who took him to the hospitable and has been advocating for him. I'm so grateful she's there....I'm 3k miles away and had no idea. Baby sister (she's 26, but still baby sister to me) has also been there but she's stressing big time. I was looking at flights for Friday morning, but K was very adamant to not show up just yet. Tiny hospital room, no diagnosis, nothing to do. She says it's not time yet. I just....need at least two days to *get* there. Stoopid lack of teleportation.

Next step apparently is a cardiac cath on Monday or Tuesday and see how he functions without three IV lines of meds. He was mostly incoherent Thursday morning but apparently eating a little today and able to form coherent sentences again. Sounds terrible to me, but the professional says "wait and see" so I'm waiting. I'm not very good at waiting. Laundry is done, bags can be packed in an hour. I might be on the East Coast next week, maybe.

I also spent a couple hours pondering if it would be better to lose my dad on the one year anniversary of friend losing her dad, or if that was too Single White Female in terms of timing. It's an ongoing joke. She moved to PDX, then I followed her to PDX. She bought a Kia, a year later I bought a Kia. She married the mailman....I'm not allowed to date letter carriers ;P But yeah, big props to my dad for night dying on the 23rd. That would have been awkward for me, stealing grief thunder from my host family who just lost their dad one year prior.

Oh lord, erin. Have y’all been close?

Domestic stuff can go sideways so very fast.

Yup. When women try to leave, they sometimes get killed. It’s the biggest danger point. Thankfully, AFAIK, R is anti-gun. But still, my friend thinks that since R did all that with the deputies there, they may well have gotten violent if just the three of us had shown up.

I'm very close to my dad emotionally. Not enough to move back to VA, but love for the entirety of my family clearly hasn't been enough to get me to move back to the east coast . I think about it often, especially with my mom on her own and also deteriorating. At least dad has K and his younger daughter in town and nearby. I've been on the west coast for more than 20 years now. That's a lot to uproot, especially just out of filial obligation.

And you are absolutely correct. You never know how someone is going to behave when emotions run high, especially in uncharted territory. Not worth finding out.

(apologies for not responding to other posts here)

They're on their way back. Mostly children. Huge, huge relief. However, Hamas seperated some families in this round, which is against the agreement (that is, they're keeping mothers in captivity while releasing their kids). So I'm not sure how tomorrow's gonna look like.

Ugh. Why can’t people just play nice instead of pushing the boundaries all the time? I’m sorry, Shir, but glad the kids are home at least.

I've been on the west coast for more than 20 years now. That's a lot to uproot, especially just out of filial obligation.

For sure. I never understood why it was important for my parents to move back closer to their parents. I get it now. My desire to move back to NC is getting stronger all the time, for a number of reasons.

My desire to move back to NC is getting stronger all the time, for a number of reasons.

I hadn't thought about that but it does make sense in a lot of ways.

I've spent the last 2.5 hours kicking the kitchen's ass and I'm 92% back to normal now minus a pie plate to clean, some wine glasses that don't go in the dishwasher and a few soaking pans.

I think I did literally more than a dozen pans and pots, as well as a full second load in the dishwasher, and re-apportioning leftovers (after giving Emmett a bunch) to fit things better in the fridge, and I broke down the carcass and roasted more veg to create a stockpot, which is happily burbling away.

Of the many ways I miss Jacqueline, I also miss the fine synchrony we had in the kitchen on Thanksgiving where she'd clean as I went so stuff didn't pile up like this.

Matilda Update: One of reasons she was off on Thanksgiving was that Joce brought her sweet little white dog, that (unfortunately for us) had a strong terrier prey instinct and really wanted to get at the Guinea Pigs. So while we covered the pigs with a sheet, Matilda was hyper vigilant most of the night.

Matilda Update 2: She has reported that she has been hanging out with "Kenny and his friends" since he's been back from college. When Emmett and I went down to the Garden Apartment to collect the turkey carcass from the fridge there, we found the door locked.

Which we usually don't do for the interior stairs.

And, though Matilda had told me she was already out of the house with "Kenny and his friends" --she was in fact, down there alone with Kenny. (Who is a lanky ginger like a handsome Weasley. Let's say...Bill.)

Anyway, they were not in a state of undress or anything but they were certainly canoodling and after we said Hello and got our bird, Kenny (with no coterie of friends) and Matilda went off to dinner.

I'm perfectly fine with all this (though Emmett is a little bit bristling guard dog). I'm glad she's moving past her ex-BF and if she's finding something that makes her feel alive and happy. At least it's not a kamikaze relationship with Spike.

Glad there’s some progress Shir, I hope it continues!!

I had a Friendsgiving last night which was nice but then I hadn’t packed at all. Got up this morning and packed up and cleaned and stuff. Got 30 minutes down the road and realized I left my meds sitting on the table. Ugh. One of a very few things I absolutely had to bring with! So had to turn around and go back. But other than that, not bad traffic at all. Poor dog hates car travel but I finally found the Benadryl, which helps. He’s glad to be in the hotel now though. I’m feeling exhausted even though it’s 7:45 and I slept in this morning. Tomorrow about 5-6 more hours, then a week at our friends’ place, then continuing on to Palm Springs. Already looking forward to the hot tub.

{{{erin}}}

Mood after seven weeks of war: I referred to the cat as the militarized wing of the alarm clock.