I had grilled cheese for breakfast yesterday

I have muenster cheese in the fridge and now I'm thinking about grilled cheese. Although I don't know if I have any bread (not out of any Carbs Bad! reason; part of me just thinks I may have run out and not bought more). Must check.

Important update: I had enough bread for a grilled cheese! I sliced up the muenster and Tim got out the sourdough rye he got at the farmer's market, and grilled cheesiness is about to happen!

...now I want a grilled cheese.

Timelies all!

I had today off and spent it pretty quietly. Did some laundry at the house, took a nap and spoke to Mr. S on the phone. He’s in a behavioral unit of a hospital about an hour away.

The Buffista Retreat sounds good.

Ever since I learned about grilled kim-cheese, that's all I'm making. Delish!

I found the answer to "where do you get hugs and meet friends now". The answer is funerals and memorials.

Shir, I'm so, so sorry.

I know I've missed some important things, but, essentially, this place is always in my mind and in my heart.

Same, and also with not having spoons to post. It’s validating and also very sad to see so many folks feel the same. I feel like I am out of sync with pretty much everyone.

My boss and I ran out of patience with each other at the same time on Weds and I got sent home until Monday. I “wasn’t needed on site” and there was “no shop work”. I know the company is at a very critical position financially but, uh, so am I. R still doesn’t know when they will get paid, or how much exactly it will be. So losing half a week’s pay right now is very not good.

I have a hard time asking for what I need without sounding like an asshole, apparently, and then it all builds up until I explode. And I feel like I’m not allowed to be angry. Not allowed to have specific needs. Just have to accept whatever help and support other people want to give me. Even if it isn’t effective or wanted or actually reduces my agency.

Well shit. When I start I can’t stop.

Today is my mentor’s memorial. It’s being called an After Party and there will be a waffle bar in addition to shrimp boil and hamburger’s hot dogs. I got asked to clean up the hosting yard. Three hours, about 10 lbs of dog shit, scrubbed chairs and tables and raked the whole damn thing. And I kept trying to feel the joy of service, and I don’t generally mind dirty jobs, but all I could feel is rage. I have been simmering with rage for weeks.

Dammit. Again, I was not trying to go that deep.

I think I have hit my limit on this year’s bullshit. I just am done with everything.

IOW, I would also like to attend a Buffista retreat. God I wish I had money for a real spa vacation.

Maybe I need to get back to reading and posting on a laptop, so I can Meara easier. IDK.

I have been simmering with rage for weeks.

I'm sorry, smonster. That sounds like just too much pile-up.

Still buried here, blah. Still haven't unpacked. Work overload. I've been home a week and haven't been in the pool or walked across the street to the beach. I did at least get my nails done so that was nice.

Tomorrow a friend who moved to Vegas a few years ago is visiting and staying in Miami Beach so she arranged a brunch, at a restaurant in Miami Beach, on Sunday at 11. I'm going, but I dread the traffic. The picture of the restaurant shows valet signs out front so maybe I'll be able to park. Ugh. I wish I could get enthused.

Maybe I need to get back to reading and posting on a laptop, so I can Meara easie

I feel like this is a large part of it for me. I’m hardly ever even reading on my iPad, but it’s so much easier to type on a laptop, and to be cutting and pasting and going through rather than just reading. It’s a huge part of why I never post on dream width even though I read frequently.

Also smonster that sounds sucky. Both the work situation and the cleaning up a yard jeez. That’s the sort of thing that’s much easier to feel of service if other people are doing the dirty job at the same time.