I had a grandma like this, too.Maybe worse, if only slightly. When we were kids, she had a portrait taken...of herself. I learned the word "prostitute" because she dressed as one for her dancing school costume party.(I might make that up, but I swear I didn't!) I tell my mom she should be crazier, but she says it's bad enough. Make no mistake...although I can't even imagine the whole maternal grief thing? If there are sides, I'm totally on yours. Even if everything was great between, y'all you need some peace and backrub more than you need to host anyone.

My brother is an awesome grandma wrangler. (At times, it verges on the disturbing when one pictures meeting his girlfriend with glasses on a chain) But I wish he could run interference for you...she'd love him, too.

Strength to you, Hec. It is hard, but it should pay off in the long run if you can refrain from feeding the negative energy creature.

Does she have a good relationship with Matilda?

They are close. But Matilda is kind of mad at her for yelling at me when Jacqueline's body was taken out. And generally just being a sour-ass presence for the last weeks.

No bullshit, Hecubus, but you have been my fucking hero for how you've handled all that stuff. I think my mother might build a shrine or some shit, because even though she's given up on men, for some reason she doesn't want me to(Not that the World At Large tells the difference between me On The Market or off, exactly.) But I think she's hoping I find one with nurturant qualities and an empty dance card.

Which is, kind of, good luck. Not that I'd be at a commemoration all, "So, got plans after this?"

My grandpa used to say "You stick the knife in and jiggle it," and my grandma was, indeed the mistress of the art, but I'm sad to see that all the worst practitioners aren't dead yet. You mean, "Thank you for giving my girl her smile back." Thinking you're a sloppy Bohemian could totally wait for the twelfth of never, even giving points for pain that makes you smash things.

Ugh, David. That's the last thing you need to be dealing with right now. Is she in town for Matilda's birthday?

I'm sorry you have to deal with that, Hec. I hope you are able to many opportunities to give yourself a break.

Is she in town for Matilda's birthday?

Yes. And also a book trade show and a dental appointment next week, and...

Here's the thing. Jacqueline made it clear to her mother that any time her mother wanted to come to the Bay Area (where she'd grown up and where she had many friends and work relationships), she was always welcome to stay with us.

I do not want to extend the same open door policy to her. She can stay here, like a guest in the Garden Apartment if she checks with me first and makes sure I don't have anything else going on or that I can handle guests. And also, like any other guest, it's not a privilege she should presume or abuse by over use.

She can't just make plans and presume she can stay here. She can't invite herself to my house every other month.

It's just really taxing for me. She had dinner with me and Matilda tonight and she Held Forth. She just monologued for hours. And she was making nice and it was mostly tolerable but it certainly wasn't something that I felt at ease with.

And she shit talks my sister-in-law, Angela, who is easily my favorite member of that extended family. I hate that.

(Plus I know she has shit-talked about me behind my back, so...)