Which is, kind of, good luck. Not that I'd be at a commemoration all, "So, got plans after this?"

My grandpa used to say "You stick the knife in and jiggle it," and my grandma was, indeed the mistress of the art, but I'm sad to see that all the worst practitioners aren't dead yet. You mean, "Thank you for giving my girl her smile back." Thinking you're a sloppy Bohemian could totally wait for the twelfth of never, even giving points for pain that makes you smash things.

Ugh, David. That's the last thing you need to be dealing with right now. Is she in town for Matilda's birthday?

I'm sorry you have to deal with that, Hec. I hope you are able to many opportunities to give yourself a break.

Is she in town for Matilda's birthday?

Yes. And also a book trade show and a dental appointment next week, and...

Here's the thing. Jacqueline made it clear to her mother that any time her mother wanted to come to the Bay Area (where she'd grown up and where she had many friends and work relationships), she was always welcome to stay with us.

I do not want to extend the same open door policy to her. She can stay here, like a guest in the Garden Apartment if she checks with me first and makes sure I don't have anything else going on or that I can handle guests. And also, like any other guest, it's not a privilege she should presume or abuse by over use.

She can't just make plans and presume she can stay here. She can't invite herself to my house every other month.

It's just really taxing for me. She had dinner with me and Matilda tonight and she Held Forth. She just monologued for hours. And she was making nice and it was mostly tolerable but it certainly wasn't something that I felt at ease with.

And she shit talks my sister-in-law, Angela, who is easily my favorite member of that extended family. I hate that.

(Plus I know she has shit-talked about me behind my back, so...)

She and Matilda's boyfriend can fuck right off to the same place.

There are a lot of things I don't like about your marriage with Jacqueline but I want you to know that I appreciate that about you."

Wow! I am sorry you have to endure that. My current MIL is a gem, but I remember well my first MIL. She stayed with my parents when she came for my wedding. I overheard her saying to my mother, "Laura clearly is getting the better deal in this marriage", To My Mother! Mom of course had a diplomatic answer.

I know grief brings out the crazy, but you should never have to share space with someone who doesn't understand how you and Jacqueline treasured each other and enriched each other's lives.

tl;dr {{Hugs}}

I never had the pleasure of meeting Jacqueline's dad, but he must have been a living saint to counterbalance all that and have Jacqueline turn out as sweet and caring of other people's feelings as she always was. Sorry you have to deal with the unpleasantness, David.

Next time i want to take a 6am flight anywhere, bonk me on the head.

Hello, NYC. I am in you. I will be seeing shows and working the rest of the time, sadly.

David, that sounds miserable and hard to extricate one’s self from. And you are absolutely capable of it and will do it, so I wish you bon courage.

My response about carrots was, in fact, tongue in cheek. I think I explained it to R just a few weeks after we started dating.

I really, really need my life to be just a little less intense. At least for a little while. I guess it’s time for me level up on letting go of “little things” and expand my definition of what little things are.

Good stuff - Had some really great interactions with R’s kids and they have now offered to help me get my roommate to leave. Plus my organizer friend came over and to see R’s place and the kids actively participated. R is coming to therapy with me Friday to talk about how we can support each other better.

Tough stuff - talking with my dad about planting a tree at her church in memory (a cutting of a Japanese maple she had rooted and grown) and starting to go through her things, beginning with accessories and jewelry.

There was other stuff but I’m at the point where I’m so tired of my own life I don’t even want to talk about it and plus my break is over.