It is part of the human experience, but boyo is it not fun.
I’m still trying to accept that I’ve seen my mentor for the last time, even though he lives ten blocks from where I work. He only wants his daughters and his wife, which hurts and is frustrating but it isn’t about me. I was actually kind of happy to have the chance to really be there, like I wasn’t able for my mom until the last week. But it’s his end of life, and he’s stubborn and proud and private.
But honestly, I’ve got my emotional hands full with supporting R while they transition and all the other grief and stuff, so maybe I can let that ease me. It’s just frustrating not to be able to give back all the love and support B gave to me.
But honestly, I’ve got my emotional hands full with supporting R while they transition and all the other grief and stuff, so maybe I can let that ease me. It’s just frustrating not to be able to give back all the love and support B gave to me.
You can think of it as you *are* giving back, by respecting his wishes and letting him focus on his immediate family in his last days.
You can think of it as you *are* giving back, by respecting his wishes and letting him focus on his immediate family in his last days.
Thank you, yes. That’s hard for me to understand and not take personally, and not what I thought my role would be. I’m practicing letting go the picture of what I thought would be. He knows and his caretakers know that all they have to do is reach out. And that will have to be enough. I did bring R to meet him, on what turned out to be our last visit, and I’m very glad I did.
Anyway. I’m actually perky AF today, mostly. I think listening to a funny book will be a thing I do sometimes at Spravato, maybe it will help with the rewiring. I’m glazing windows, which I enjoy, and listening to more Wee Free Men.
How are folks doing today? I’m making a practice of coming here first instead of fb because I like the flow of conversation and y’all are folks I actually care about and trust.
What's Spravato, smonster? And I'm so sorry about your mentor.
My mom was like that smonster, and I felt bad for the people who wanted to see her and say goodbye, but wanted to go with her wishes.
Y’all I had one migraine in the month I was in Australia and New Zealand. And in the less than a month I’ve been back I’ve had six. I think it’s work. I hate it.
meara, that sounds right. (I meant about work and migraines). My mom was kind of like that, too, but I think her reasoning was a little different. And she did keep visiting with some neighbors until the last few days.
Thanks, Amy. It’s a ketamine derivative that is all the rage for treatment-resistant depression. I refer to it as brain sparkles or getting high under a doctor’s supervision. It’s two hours and I can’t really look at screens because it messes with my vision, so I usually scroll my contacts and call people randomly until someone picks up.
Sometimes I listen to music; in fact, during one I stumbled onto Atropa’s “Endless White Rabbit” playlist and listened to that the whole time. Once I listened to a whole Pink Floyd album and thought, oh it *does* help to be high while listening to this.
Perhaps it would improve the quality of life for all of us if we went through life that way.
You can think of it as you *are* giving back, by respecting his wishes and letting him focus on his immediate family in his last days.
There is so little we have control of in our final days that it is the most loving choice for the family to honor his wishes.
I had a couple hours of driving today to take my son's girlfriend to the dentist. Listening to Gaiman's Neverwhere via Hoopla. It was amusing in the mountains going in and out of signal as he would pause his narration for a bit, then like magic he was back again. Aspen Dental gave her an estimate of $6000 for an extraction, cleaning, and a bunch of cavities. So we are exploring options. Alas, the nearest dental school is 5 hours away.
