Hil, oh, my gosh! So glad to hear you're out and doing better.

David, safe travels home. The pictures on FB show so clearly how much your sister loved seeing you. I'm glad you (both) had that time.

The pictures on FB show so clearly how much your sister loved seeing you. I'm glad you (both) had that time.

Yes, it was really necessary for me to go to bolster that whole branch of the family. Not just for my sister but for my niece and nephew, and for their grown (except for one) children.

Weirdly, I am the paterfamilias now. I didn't really know that's what I was stepping in to but that's what my role became. To assure them that family bonds were strong among us and we were going to get through this loss.

Also, I was the only one that could tell my sister to cut that shit out. (About her stubborn willfulness to keep walking without assistance even after two falls, one of them injurious.)

I'm also in a position now to help my niece financially who's on unpaid leave while she tends to her mother's death.

I'm weary. A little physically and a lot emotionally. I sat around at my gate looking at pictures of our wedding and crying about Jacqueline. I'm crying now.

It's hard to reconnect to who we were before she was sick. These last 9 months are all so horribly vivid and block out access to the past. And I miss her. And I've missed her for months.

I'm sorry, David. The memories will come back.

Yeah, that's one of the worst parts. But now when I dream about my father, he's well and whole.

You're the best, bunk. the world would legit be healthier if every familias had as committed a pater as you.(And not only cause I had a fight with mine in college that made my mom say "I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm really monogamous...he really is your dad." and I was half-disappointed.) (we also joke that my not having Trudy's birthday is mom "hanging in for another week," though. Maybe we're disgusting?) But you'd be talking to a different person if hanging on lasted till November...the older I get, I think about that *more*, not less, as I anticipated. The memories will be there i think

cereal: Writing workshop started strong today.

Hil, so glad you're okay!

These last 9 months are all so horribly vivid and block out access to the past. And I miss her.

Oh, David. But like Dana and Jesse said, the memories will come back. It's going to take some time to move past the past nine months, but the time will come when you see one of her favorite books, or hear a song you both loved, or walk past a landmark where you shared a specific moment, and the memories -- the good ones -- will be there.

Thanks, everyone. I'm feeling a lot better now, and the doctor had said that I could go back to work on Monday if I was feeling well enough, but I'm taking Monday off and going back on Wednesday. (I'll be answering emails and dealing with stuff like that from home on Monday and Tuesday, but I only teach MWF.)

As for what happened, long story short is I was feeling dizzy and nauseous and just generally wrong, so I called 911, and I had a heart attack. And, since my body can never do anything normally, I didn't have any of the usual signs of the kind of stuff that usually gradually develops over months or years before having a heart attack -- just one big blockage, but everything else looked fine. And once that was cleared, and I recovered from all the emergency stuff, I mostly felt fine. So they kept me for a few days, to make sure that everything stayed looking fine, and then let me go home, with instructions for follow-up appointments with a bunch of doctors and some new blood-thinners, to see if we can prevent this from happening again.

and I had a heart attack

Ack! Hil!