I ululated while listening to Welcome to the Black Parade, driving across Lake Pontchartrain, at sunset.
Fist pump of appreciation!
Turns out my MiL storming out in a rage was
the best thing that has happened to me in months.
Because, JZ's bestie Lisa came in and the mood shifted, and the Sacred Circle of Loving Women started drinking and crying and laughing and wearing Jacqueline's hats and...it's what we needed. It's what Matilda needed especially.
Which would not have happened with Sunny here.
I'll share pictures but just on the Buffistas group because my MiL must never see people laughing.
Oh love. I’m glad you have them.
So much of my love, my sorrow - all my emotions - is with you right now.
I read more than a hunderd messages all at once, so I was grateful to get to the end and see that the last post has laughter in it, and Matilda surrounded by that affection and tears and laughter, letting her just feel what she feels and know that it's OK.
No, it's more than OK. In that same post with the ululating, JZ wrote that laughter through the mandatory tears is encouraged.
Well, ululating here is associated with expressions of happiness, and I anyway can't do it, so I'll laugh through my tears as best I can.
Also, what Suela said.
[Edit: also, I'm here through all of your night, thanks to the different timezones. If there's anything I can do while the world around you is sleeping, please let me know.]
Ice packs with the ululating recommended. Because.
(Hi, Nilly!)
JZ's bestie Lisa came in and the mood shifted, and the Sacred Circle of Loving Women started drinking and crying and laughing and wearing Jacqueline's hats and...it's what we needed. It's what Matilda needed especially.
That is so good to hear. I'm so happy that Lisa was able to help shift the mood & that you & Matilda got what you needed.
Hi, sarameg! It never fails to be good to see you, even just the words-on-a-screen you.
[Edit: Hi, juliana!]
Bless Lisa once again! That sounds perfect.
Good job, Lisa! Grieving alongside a MiL is a tough dynamic.
I mean, all I’ve been is words on a screen here to most!
But this is all very real to me. Even when I’m not here much anymore. We grew up together, so many ways.
Anyway, as I crash towards bed, know I treasure this.
It’s 6:45 am in Europe. I woke up 15 minutes ago and checked here first thing. I’m numb, yet I’m crying for all of us. I’m heartbroken for Matilda, who deserved an eternity with her mother, and Sunny, who never should have had to watch her daughter die. David, I’m so sorry you’re now part of this damnable club. Please, please allow yourself to lose your shit too. You are not responsible for keeping everyone else from falling apart.
You’d think since I can trill my “Rs” that I could ululate. Dear readers, I’m sorry to say that is not the case. I sound like I’m gargling salt water while being phlegmatic at the same time. It’s not a sound any human should hear, but I tried for JZ.
I can see Greece from our balcony on a clear day. I hope today is the clearest ever. Regardless, I’ll be getting flowers later and letting them go in the sea so that a memory of Jacqueline reaches the shores of the beloved country that she couldn’t visit as often as she wanted. Much love, peace and strength to all of us.
