When I was working the funeral homes answering service job, many people chose to have cremated remains made into jewelry.

I would like to be made into bling and ink.

It made me happy to think that according to Einstein she will have always been in this house and would always will be here. That it's only because I'm limited by human senses that I can only see forward on the timeline, only the cusp of time arriving and not backwards that I can't see her. But she's here. And we are here.

This is beautiful.

Sometimes when things don't work out, I think about the idea of infinite possible worlds, and the number of them where I am getting my heart's desire and the infinite ways it might play out. In an some universes, you and Jacquline have always been together and will always be so.

For what it’s worth, I think about how people will remember me and my guess is that they’d bring up some kind of generosity (that’s the most common compliment I get) but honestly I’d SO much rather be remembered as funny! You don’t have to work at generosity, anyone can do it. But to be funny? Much rarer.

I think this just speaks to generosity being your natural gift, javachik.

still lobbying to be laid on the felt

Gratitude to those now & gone who have preserved the bits & bytes here over the decades. Whew, feelings.

It helps me to come here and read the love, humor and comfort being shared. When I think about it, I am cycling between bitter rage, anger, and outrage.

Outrage for David, Matilda and their whole family. And for Jacqueline. She deserves more time on this planet. With her family. And her family deserves more time with her. David and JZ should have grown old and ancient together. Matilda should have her mom for a long time—time enough to see her grow into the amazing adult she will be.

I know “deserves” had nothing to do with how this works.

I am beating anger and rage back with a big stick. I lost a friend here in May to cancer—the same bullshit metastasis into the peritoneum. Young, generous, kind, funny, sweet.

And now Jacqueline. It’s not fair. I am searching for at least some peace, if not acceptance. Because this is unacceptable.

Hey look! It's the urn size calculator! [link]

JZ is about 116 lbs now so she needs 116 cubic inches. Which is (apparently) 8 cups.

Which is a pretty big cake.

But this apothecary jar is 4x4x9: [link]

Which is 144 cubic inches.

Is my math right? That doesn't look like it will hold 8 cups.

I need a baker!

I walked out the door this morning and startled a raven. It hopped in the air, utterly failed to recover its dignity on the way back down, and flew out of my line of sight. I'm not thinking of it as an omen, necessarily. There are ravens here all the time. But it did make me think of JZ and you all, and that I really should catch up on the board after falling behind again. And so here I am. And here you are talking about writing desks.

And here you are talking about writing desks.

As we do!

I know I've told this story before, but for the record...

Jacqueline texted me saying "I've found a little writing desk and I think I want it."

Me: "Is it a roll top secretary? Do we really need a writing desk? We've gotten a lot of furniture."

JZ: "It's just a little writing desk but I love it. If I had this writing desk I'd feel like Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice."

Me: "Hmmm, that is pretty persuasive..."

JZ: "But! I'd also feel like Winona Ryder in Little Women."

Me: "Okay, clearly a double Winona means you have to have it."

And she got it. And she loves it.

And here you are talking about writing desks.

::loves shrift::

I also completely adore that JZ actually used the word "ululating."

Awwww. Will she be set atop the double Winona?