That sounds perfectly Jacqueline.

I still remember getting my NG tube inserted over a decade ago. It was traumatizing. My heart goes out to both of you.

It’s normal to be scared and panic and react poorly in the face of this. And her response was so perfect. I may start using that whenever anyone is testing my patience!! It’s such a perfect boundary setter.

I’ll continue epic tales of Nurse Renee when I’m back home. But I just brought Matilda in to see Jacqueline and there were much tears of reconnection. They are so happy to be together.

Last night when Jacqueline had her tube down her nose she said ruefully, “You can’t kiss me.”

And I said, “ Oh, I can kiss you!” And proceeded to do so all around her tube and on her cheek.

Then some nurses entered the room and she said “No, Nurses!” With exactly the intonation of Madeline Kahn’s “No tongues!” In Young Frankenstein.

I had to have a NG tube a long time ago when I needed activated charcoal and when they tried to give it to me orally I immediately threw up every time (I barely finished swallowing when it would come back up). It was an extremely traumatic experience for me on top of the already traumatic experience I was going through and I know that JZ didn't have to deal with the situation I did but it is really uncomfortable. Especially when a nurse is holding it and keeps moving back and forth but doesn't say anything so you're head gets yanked around by the NG tube.

JZ is really marvelous.

I’m so happy Matilda is able to be there.

Hec, you've been her hero. Nobody would expect you to always say the perfect thing, too, You have feelings, too, it's a lot.(and that is kind of a horrible thing that happened) Luckily, it wasn't your last moment. I'm not sure if it helps or not to say that I would have, most likely, done the same fucking thing. Despite a subcultural reputation for calm spirituality that I deserve less than any disabled human alive(except Larry Flynt or someone, perhaps.)

"Oh, I can kiss you."

"No nurses!"

Best...lines...ever.

can or should we nominated Nurse Renee for sainthood? Or something rewarding and ultra-appreciative?

You both have courage beyond imagining, but I'll continue to wish you comfort and strength. And love.

That is such a perfectly JZ response, and I love it.

If you chose sharp tongued beration you will know that I am not a fully actualized human being quite as yet.

Imagine, if you will, Pete telling me that I needed to rest, not do things, and stop apologizing for being a burden during the Exciting Back Adventure of 2019. Yeah. But when you're stressed about your loved one, helpless anger comes out however it can.

I'm so, so glad Matilda is able to be there.

...the continuing tale of Nurse Renee, the Fucking Champ of All Nurses

So, the original NG tube went in on that long Sunday that started with us at the ER before 7am.

On Monday, our new nurse was named Roan and she was great. I told her the epic tale of her supremely expert supervisor and suggested that she tag along with Renee whenever she had to start a new NG Tube.

The doctors put it in the order that Nurse Renee herself would re-insert the tube, and she promised to carve out the time to do it.

So I was hanging with Jacqueline all Monday morning and we didn't know when the tube would be put back in, so I headed home to have lunch. And I got a text from Jacqueline saying, "Renee is getting her stuff together." So I dropped everything and raced back to the hospital and as I was waiting for the elevator I got a text and she said, "All done!"

They had finished this line so quickly it was over in the ten minutes it took me to get there.

And, Nurse Roan had taken the opportunity to do it with Renee and Renee showed her the proper technique and it was actually Nurse Roan who safely inserted the tube Jacqueline.

So she's out there spreading that institutional knowledge too.

This was yesterday when I'm talking to all the doctors and I'm periodically getting Input from Nurse Roan (a recent transplant from Detroit - very cool) and Nurse Renee, asking their advice on G-Tubes etc.

We had set a plan that Jacqueline would keep the NG tube in until 7:45 and then it would be taken out so she could sleep.

I was headed home briefly to decompress and eat and then head back to the hospital to say goodnight to Jacqueline. I ran into Nurses Roan and Renee on my way out and we went over the plan.

And Nurse Renee said, "We're about to get off shift but I'll put the specific notes in for your new nurse."

And I threw up my hands and said, "Argh, I live in terror of shift changes with nurses! You spend all day building a rapport and trust and making sure you're on the same page and then somebody new comes in and you can't be certain everything is in order."

And Nurse Renee, the charge Nurse, the boss, who had been at her desk since 7am immediately said, "I can stay until 7:45pm. I'll personally make sure the tube comes out."

Nurse Renee is my age. That's a long fucking day to volunteer an extra hour just to make sure your patient and their partner feel safe and taken care of.