Persian kitten

That she talked to you about it first is a good sign.

I can understand that the appeal of New! Cute! Kitten! is strong, but "When can I ever get one again?" is just self-delusion. Pfui.

...our house is too small for 6 cats

Yeah, hold firm on that. I only hope it works.

I have a story about why I react strongly to mention of Persian cats.

When I started 2nd grade, we had just moved to a small town north of Charlotte NC. My mother hated it there, and part of her way of coping was to acquire a fancy pure-bred certificated long-hair Persian kitten, named him "Sikander-i-Azam" (which is Farsi -- Persian, get it? -- for "Alexander the Great") with the express intention of raising him and putting him to stud. (Is that the term for cats? I dunno.)

So he wasn't neutered. And my mother didn't put in the time or effort to socialize him, including not getting him accustomed to being groomed, or even handled. So he grew up hating to be brushed. He would get matted, and he hated both being matted and getting de-matted.

He would yowl, long and loud.

He would yowl to be let out, then disappear for three days into the undergrowth behind our back yard. He would come back with maximum matts and yowl to be let in, and then yowl to be fed. When food was presented, he would sit in front of the bowl, look at it, look at me, refuse to eat, and yowl some more.

When my mother split, she left the cat behind. I don't remember whether Dad ever had Sikander neutered. Probably not, money was tight. He did eventually re-home the cat, but I don't remember how, or with whom. We were both glad to be rid of Sikander, though.

Wow, those are some vivid memories. I can recognize the prejudice that resulted, but I still haven't overcome it.

It turns out that his surgery requires 3 surgeons, not 2, and coordinating the schedules of 3 surgeons is complicated as shit.

That sounds like a logistical nightmare

He believes in Go Big Or Go Home. Surgeries with 1 surgeon, that take only 1 day, are for mere mortals — Tim's hoarding as many surgeons as he can, for his 2-day surgery. (My brother has to have fairly simple back surgery this fall, and when I told him about Tim's surgery, he said "I'm feeling a little challenged to ratchet up my surgery parameters!")

The surgery group that's doing his surgery is really outstanding for the specific type of surgery that he needs (scoliosis surgery and spinal reconstruction), and they're the group that did my comparatively puny back surgery literally 20 years ago [pause to acknowledge how fucking old we all are], so I am 100% confident that this is going to go very well for him. It sucks that he needs such complex surgery, but his quality of life is going to skyrocket. He should get a couple of inches back (his spinal curvature is 25-30 degrees, so he's shorter than me now [I'm 5'6"]), and even though he has to have a lot of vertebrae fused, he should be able to go back to hiking and camping within a year, after the bones have fused. Surgeon Prime said that he should be able to drive within 2-3 weeks after surgery, and he *may* be able to go back to work as soon as 1 month if his job can come up with a desk job for him (which is actually feasible -- all the parts inspection that his department does involves a shit ton of blueprints and other documentation, and all of that gets done in a really half-assed non-centralized fashion, but they could hand it all over to him and let him wrangle it at a desk). Though 1 month seems a little fast to me; 2 months before he can go back to a desk job seems more reasonable. (He probably wants to get back to work after 1 month so he won't be tempted to stab me. I spend all day with me, and sometimes *I* want to stab me.)

I have such a high level of "right on" about this surgery for Tim and how it's going to make every damn thing so much better. I know it's a lot, and I am sure it's nerve wracking for you both, but especially since you 100% know from personal experience how good his people are... July (fingers crossed) can't get here soon enough.

I really want Tim's surgery to just go as smoothly as possible. Come on july!

So my Aunt W (the one on FL) fell at her assisted living place and broke her hip. She's having surgery , and she's already told Mom she doesn't think she'll come out of the hospital alive. I'm not that pessimistic but I'd be really surprised if Aunt W is alive next year. She's the oldest and her relationship with mom and the other siblings is fraught. And the way she's treated Mom since KY cousin's death has just totally destroyed what is left of their relationship. My uncle is flying down there (he's the youngest and has the best relationship with her) on Friday and will be there awhile. But mom will have to go back to Florida at some point.

I haven't seen my aunt in decades so im not sure how I feel.

Though 1 month seems a little fast to me; 2 months before he can go back to a desk job seems more reasonable. (He probably wants to get back to work after 1 month so he won't be tempted to stab me. I spend all day with me, and sometimes *I* want to stab me.)

From my personal experience with surgeries (of which I have now had three, not counting the one from when I was 5 that I barely remember), all of which have been simple and trivial compared to what Tim is facing, it's probably best to err on the side of the longer recovery estimates. Even if everything goes well, it's just such an energy drain.

Though I will also say that in most cases my surgeons were glad to hear that I could take longer than the minimum recommended recovery time. I get the sense that those shorter estimates are influenced by the knowledge that many patients don't have understanding employers, leave time banked and/or the ability to miss a paycheck without it causing an instant crisis, etc. (Insert standard grumbling about late-stage American capitalism here.)

On a completely unrelated note, does anyone have recommendations for good beach towns in Mexico, preferably on the Pacific coast, to spend a week in November in? We're looking for a place where we can get all the amenities and at least some of the luxuries, but not walled off in fancy resort isolation. So far we're considering Zihuatanejo, Todos Santos, and Sayulita.

Susan the Zona Romantica in PV is very nice, especially depending on the hotel/Airbnb you pick

"But a Persian Kitten! When can I ever get one again? This is once in a lifetime."

Nah. They’re not going to stop making them.

Surgeon Prime

This is giving me Optimus Prime vibes, and I’m here for it!

I hope your aunt has a better recovery than she’s expecting. And that she and your mom can mend fences, askye.

Thanks Calli. My aunt has actually been nicer to her on phone calls I've heard when I've visited mom. I've tried to gently reinforce that my aunt's attitude was better (stuff like wow Aunt W was really appreciative about ).

And I'm feeling kind of selfish...I had plans with Crafty Friend on Friday, she hadn't thought our schedules would align for a few weeks but she was free and I'm off. However I had to cancel. M's sister's FIL passed away earlier this week (he was really sick, much of it his own doing and had refused a lot of medical intervention and help) and the funeral is on Friday. I know that it's something I need to do and go to but I just really don't want to. I barely knew the man and what I did know about wasn't positive...he was mean to M's sister for one. So I'm struggling with feeling disappointed about canceling my plans on Friday and the dread about being around people for the funeral of an almost stranger who was a "mean l, hateful, racist old man" in M's words. But the funeral isn't for him it's his family and I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Re surgeries: I recovered much faster from surgery in my 30s than I did my last one (early 60s), so factor in age to recovery time. Everything seems to take longer to heal as we age.

In my experience that effect isn't limited to healing times.