I just read it! Sweetheart, that is A LOT. Too much, in fact. Being the caretaker for a parent is hard enough when their temperament is good (or even neutral). But when they're difficult, mean, or suddenly a dirty old man (in the case of my FIL), it's really really fucking hard. Honestly, I'm glad that Covid gave you a break from mom duty.

She was so mean. I would have left her, but I knew it was (mostly) the drugs making her mean. I am sorry DH had COVID for his sake, but otherwise? I am grateful. This was abuse.

Honestly, I'm supposed to see her Sunday (10 days after DH tested negative), but I kind of don't want to. I will, because I'm that kind of kid, but man.

When my dad was in the hospital in May, he was literally out of his mind, talking to hallucinations and being really shitty to me (with a bonus of Dadpenis because he was thrashing around in the hospital bed and the gown rode up and exposed him [if I could selectively remove the brain cells with that memory, I would]). It’s just awful when parents are in a vulnerable state and need care but are mean at the same time.

Thanks, Teppy.

I just wish my mom's docs looked like Charisma Carpenter.

Mom was fucking awful. The opioids were the worst of it (that is, once we removed them, she was more human).

But besides that, I'm so injured. I've never known what to do when she's suggested she's at the root of my anxiety disorder.

Now? My answer is to lie.

Also, yes Jesus. We DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEIR GENITALS.

Mom was fucking awful.

Oh, honey, I'm so with you. You are not to blame, and I know you know that. You are allowed to feel what you feel. Be kind to yourself.

[snipping all the ranty shit I just typed about my own mother: it's been nearly a decade since she died and I'm still angry]

Thank you, Connie!

(It is really hard for me to be honest about this.)

Cindy, I would fly across the country just to wrap you in my arms, if I could afford it and it wouldn't distress you and your family. I won't give you advice, because everyone needs different things, but I will tell you wholeheartedly that I love you and I'm glad you're here.

Bubble wrap for the lot of you, I say. Both emotionally and physically. Thank you for being here for me; I hope that I can return the favour -- it's good to be among friends.

I remember when my dad was in the hospital after his heart attack. He thought the fact that they went in through an artery in his upper thigh to clear out a blockage near his heart was super nifty. And I agreed in theory, but when he was there in his hospital gown saying, “Want to see the incision?” and started to raise the lower hem, I was all, “Good lord, no!”

Cindy that is a lot to go through. You aren't a bad daughter for talking about it and needing to vent. She's your mom and it's complicated but that doesn't mean you can't acknowledge what she's said and how it makes you feel.

I also think it's totally reasonable that you don't want to see her and have to deal with all of that. I think anyone would feel the same.

So far Mom has been...frustrating when she had her stroke, but not mean. Neither of my parents are going to be easy to deal with (I have Mom who drove herself to the hospital the morning after her stroke and wanted to drive home from the hospital and Dad who called work to let them know he thought he was having a heart attack and wouldn't be in and when they were like "call 911!" he called his dr who was like "call 911!!" which he finally did.)

Mom's been dealing with the emotional stuff of "I don't have any help, I'm all alone" type of thing from her sister. I think Mom has started calling her on that because she can't keep her tongue. It's hard on Mom and it's pretty much ruined what ever relationship they had to the point Mom's said she's not sure she'd go to my aunt's funeral when that happens.