Cindy that is a lot to go through. You aren't a bad daughter for talking about it and needing to vent. She's your mom and it's complicated but that doesn't mean you can't acknowledge what she's said and how it makes you feel.
I also think it's totally reasonable that you don't want to see her and have to deal with all of that. I think anyone would feel the same.
So far Mom has been...frustrating when she had her stroke, but not mean. Neither of my parents are going to be easy to deal with (I have Mom who drove herself to the hospital the morning after her stroke and wanted to drive home from the hospital and Dad who called work to let them know he thought he was having a heart attack and wouldn't be in and when they were like "call 911!" he called his dr who was like "call 911!!" which he finally did.)
Mom's been dealing with the emotional stuff of "I don't have any help, I'm all alone" type of thing from her sister. I think Mom has started calling her on that because she can't keep her tongue. It's hard on Mom and it's pretty much ruined what ever relationship they had to the point Mom's said she's not sure she'd go to my aunt's funeral when that happens.