So. Just had the first meeting with the oncologist, and it's not good. Because the tumor has metastasized it's officially not operable. The current plan is for chemo starting ASAP, likely early next week, to keep it from spreading any further. And then... chemo forever, or until a new treatment is available.
Bottom line, I'll have this for as long as I live, and it'll almost surely be the reason I die (unless I take up skydiving or broadsword-fighting). But how long or when? Not known. The oncologist said she has patients whom she gave the exact same speech to five years ago who responded to chemo much better than she'd hoped, or who got by long enough to qualify for clinical trials of something experimental that turned out to be exactly what they needed. One of Hec's best friends has my identical diagnosis, including metastases and officially inoperable, and he's been in chemo and stable for three years now.
And they're taking my pain management needs seriously and prioritizing them (and of course I can't stop thinking about how stupid lucky I am to be a white middle-class longtime employee with multiple higher-ups advocating for me, and how that's really the only reason I'm being treated like this while ita was treated the way she was).
JZ I know that isn't the news you wanted to hear and I'm just hoping that in 5 or 6 years when your oncologist is having this talk with a patient you are one of the patients that has been stable and doing well.
I discovered I have 40 hours of PTO that I have to use or lose by the end of April. I have it because I haven't used a lot of the time since I got back. And I got a bump in PTO for this year because I've been with the company for over 5 years. So now I get 200 hours of PTO a year. So lots of vacation/sick time I should have been using all along! PLUS I have 10 Personal Days.
So I'm thinking a trip to Florida at end of March/beginning of April and maybe talk to my brother about visiting them in VA. and another trip to Florida in the Fall. and maybe taking the week of my birthday off? who knows
Dammit, JZ. I'm so sorry.
What askye said. I’m so sorry the news is not better. I’m selfishly glad you do have so many in your corner.
I'm so completely not processing and not coping, I'm in awe of and slightly terrified by my denial skills. I do not want to leave this sweet old world.
Oh JZ, I'm so sorry to hear that, and will hope for great results from the current chemo and continued advances in treatment. Love to you and yours.
I'm sorry the news was not as good as you had hoped for, JZ. Yes, I also have a number of friends who have done very well for many years despite advanced stages of cancer. You have had a healthy lifestyle overall, and have wonderful loving support. These things are as important as the good drugs. It is not denial to expect the best outcome.
Well, cancer can go fuck itself.
I always remember what Ginger said, that five-year survival rates are always running five years behind.
even if it is, not all bad, right?
Denial has gotten me through a lot over the years.
(not really the same thing, of course, but...)
