::waves::

I am stupendously tired. I could probably just go to bed right now but that would mess me all up for tomorrow.

Sorry I do not have the energy to actually respond to anyone. I have been thinking things as I read!

Calli, my mom is from Escanaba. Not too many people up there in the frozen North, so you never know!

Sorry I do not have the energy to actually respond to anyone. I have been thinking things as I read!

Full credit!

One television successfully delivered and wall mounted. One hour long zoom call with NBC documentary maker. One daughter signed up for six months at the gym because she wants "to get beefy!" One long conversation with EM at the old apartment regarding Emmett & monies and all the family history my sister recently shared.

Step count today: 12,782 for 5.2 Miles and 20 Flights. Still not running the steps because every day there's either a contractor or delivery happening in the morning.

But still getting my steps in.

One daughter signed up for six months at the gym because she wants "to get beefy!"

Well, that's splendid!

David, I suspect you have people lined up, but if Matilda ever wants to try indoor rock climbing, give me a shout? I'm not beefy, but I've been doing it for 35 years or so, so I think I'm fairly safe.

I got home from work and went to sleep for 40 minutes. Dunno why, just wiped by just one day in the office.

Tomorrow I have to get up early bcz I set up a 7AM (!) meeting: had to get folks on the East Coast on. Anyway we get to argue about who goes to a pretty-important short-notice site visit in Seattle next week. I'm kind of hoping not me, except for the fabulous rooftop bar in the hotel we stayed in last month. And the prospect of maybe sneaking into the Pink Door for after-dinner drinks.

Ooh come to seattle Suela! Or don’t if travel is sucky. But it’s a good time of year to be here! I went over to a friend’s and hung out in their backyard because one’s mom was in town and was like “but do I get to see meara??” Aww.

Calli, my mom is from Escanaba. Not too many people up there in the frozen North, so you never know!

Yep, there might be some contact with grandpa's side of things. They were born in the Wakefield area, but some of his six or so siblings probably ended up in Escanaba for at least a while, as it's the closest there is to a big city in that part of the state.

Ha ha, the big thing I had scheduled today has been pushed to August. Not my problem today!

I have the day off. Woke up and felt fairly rested. I don't know what I'm going to do but I'm going to try and enjoy having some mental clarity and not exhaustion for awhile. Yesterday wasn't so bad at work so I'm feeling better about what I can and can't do in terms of work. Finally got a response from the neurologist's office, no word from the neurologist.

Sheryl - I had some things I want to say but I'm having trouble getting them all organized. I don't know good resources for parents of autistic kids but I did find some info on Steve Silberman's website that includes books and then resources by autistic people. Silberman himself isn't autistic but he wrote Neurotribes which is a really good book.

While you are waiting for evaluation you could try some things as if Mr S is autistic and go from there, if it helps then that's good. A big thing is sensory issues and sensory input/regulation and I can't stress enough how connected emotions and sensory issues can be connected. If I'm emotionally out of sorts then my sensory issues get worse and if I'm getting sensory overload then it makes me more emotional. And then when I'm really upset or close to sensory overload I get really sensitive. Clothes that are normally comfortable might feel scratchy, even dim lights might be a problem, things like that.There are obvious things like- bright lights, sounds , tactile things that can cause problems. I know a lot of autistic people can be bothered by sounds that other people either don't hear or just filter out (like a light bulb humming, or a fridge running or something like that). So part of what you could do is try to figure out if there are things that bother Mr S and figure out ways to make it easier -- sunglasses, ear protection to block out sound, etc.

But it's also important to have good sensory input as well. I have been falling down on that for myself some lately so I'm trying to do better.

I really like pressure so I have a really heavy weighted blanket. And lately when I get home from work I go and lie down in the cool bedroom, in the dark, have the weighted blanket piled on my legs (for some reason I carry a lot more tension in my legs and hips), and sometimes have ear protection on or even have eye mask. If Penny will cooperate and cuddle either one me or next to me so I can pet her and hear or feel her purr that's even better.

I also realized that due to bad weather and being tired I haven't been pacing as much. Pacing is my main stim and I will pace inside, but it's kind of weird to do it in the house with people around and so I'll pace in the backyard. I didn't realize how much I needed it until the other day.

So being destructive and lashing out can happen when things get too much. It used to happen to me when I was a kid, well even as an adult but not in the past 6 years or so. I got what I called "black rages" where I would just feel all this anger and rage and it would feel like black inky energy radiating out of my pores and I would scream, sometimes trash my room, find small things to destroy, do some forms of self harm. Looking back I realize it was just constantly being put in situations where my senses were overwhelmed and my emotions and not knowing how to handle any of it.

Going to new places can be hard, talking to people, even people I knew was always fraught and difficult and usually reinforced the feeling of being "wrong". So then I'd be anxious and then it would make my senses more heightened, which would increase my agitation ..so it was just a cycle. It still can be a cycle.

Abrupt transitions are really hard as well and can end up with distress etc. So I have learned to build in transition time to things and ask for it. When plans change because of emergencies and stuff it's still hard.

This is very rambly sorry. I hope that you can get an evaluation and get a therapist or some support for you and your family.

Raise your hand if you love reading askye's rambles.