I woke up at FOUR, what the shit.

I could go get kolaches, but it's 31 degrees outside.

JZ and Hec gave me allergies this morning. I'm so happy for all of you!

Oh, JZ as the house-chasing dog gave me so much joy. I am so thrilled for you and your family. I know few people who love San Francisco as you two do, and I know you will love and cherish that beautiful house.

And, yay, Laura and Brendon becoming homeless in the best way! I can't wait until you have your big boat and a port to call home.

Putting a little space between that wonderful news and my own stuff...

It's been a tough week here. Without going into too much detail, a week and a half ago, three of our colleagues (mom and two daughters who all work in the business office) lost their husband/father suddenly, and last week my coworker S and her wife lost their 14-month-old son in a tragic accident. Our community is reeling. It makes me physically sick to think about that loss of their little boy, their only child.

Things have also gotten worse with my dad's dementia, and I'm taking a three-week leave at the end of April to live with him and try to work on transitioning to more regular care. He won't consider assisted living (and I think it would put him in a faster decline), so I'm scrambling to get him on the Medicaid waiting list to qualify him for some daily in-home help. Meanwhile, he doesn't understand any of it and is getting frustrated and angry more easily, and we can't afford more than the two days a week we are already paying for private care.

And everyone in my family keeps telling me how amazing I am and how strong I am, and it makes me so uncomfortable because I'm just doing what I have to do, you know? And I don't have anyone in the family able/willing to help, so it's literally all on me, and although ND has been an absolute rock of support and love and IS willing to help, there's only so much he can do. And I can't even be upset with his family since Dad moved to Florida and is a hermit who never helped them. His two older sisters are in their 80s and his young sister is in her early 70s and has two grandchildren she cares for part time, so they really can't do anything anyway.

I fly out again tomorrow for the weekend to get him to his neurologist and then ND will be there in a couple of weeks for work and will check on him then. I'm just hoping everything I've put in place will hold until I can take leave. If I have to take it before then, I will, but it would be very difficult to miss school until then (trying desperately to finish the yearbook), and I have a journalism convention (with students) the first week of my break, and ND and I actually booked five nights in Hawaii the second week of my break that I would really like to not cancel if there's any way to make it work. I desperately need a vacation.

So. It's a lot.

That is a lot. It's too much.

Kristin, I'm so sorry. That's just so much for you to take on and from a distance.

Papa got moved to a rehabilitation facility last night. He already wants to go home, which is not possible right now. He is possibly the most stubborn person I know, which considering how many really stubborn people I know, is saying a lot. And I feel terrible that so much of this is landing on my mother who is exhausted.

I'm so sorry, Kristin. That is a lot.

That is a lot Kristin!

I woke up and listened to a 7am work call (a presentation/update, nothing I had to talk about) while in bed and now I don’t want to get up and start working. Not that I ever do but…

I woke up and listened to a 7am work call (a presentation/update, nothing I had to talk about) while in bed and now I don’t want to get up and start working.

It seems like they owe you a nap at least.

Oh, Kristin that seems like a daunting amount of stress and work and emotional turmoil. I hope that transition can go as smoothly as it can.

Oh Pix, that is such an overwhelming amount of a lot on top of a lot. I hope you are able to find a better solution for your dad quickly. Sending much love.