Oh Pix, that is such an overwhelming amount of a lot on top of a lot. I hope you are able to find a better solution for your dad quickly. Sending much love.

And everyone in my family keeps telling me how amazing I am and how strong I am, and it makes me so uncomfortable because I'm just doing what I have to do, you know?

I remember this. This feeling of, "Well, what am I gonna do? NOT take care of her? That's obviously not an option." But every time someone commended me feeling like a fraud because I was Just.So.Tired. I wish there was something I could do to help. I'm sorry that the only way out is through, and I wish you so much strength and peace of mind.

Thanks, everyone. And yeah, Epic, that's exactly how I feel. And hugs to you and everyone else who has been through this. It's just awful. Physical illness is hard, but dementia is hell. (Not in any way to diminish the incredible difficulty of dealing with physical illness. I just hate that I'm losing my dad before he's gone. I hate him being angry at me and everyone else trying to help.)

So hard, Pix. Sending... whatever will help most vibes your way.

On a completely different front, I got sunflowers and furled, purple irises at Trader Joe's today, so I made what I'm calling van Gogh arrangements, one for my office and one for DP's. Gotta say, the furled irises look pretty cool in their own right, purple spear tip on the end of a long, green pole. I know they'll be lovely when they bloom, too, but worth noting the pre-bloom state.

Going to see my aunt this weekend after many months, which is great. DP was going to come, too, and was looking forward to it, but my aunt decided to invite my cousin (who has many fine qualities, but, honestly, she's tipping uncomfortably close to whackadoodle political beliefs and is anti-vax, which is both surprising and disappointing to me, but I've known and loved her since childhood, so... I deal), and DP cannot abide that right now, so he's probably not going to come, which I totally understand. Bummed for him though; he really likes my aunt. Boo. Honestly, I would've enjoyed a solo visit with her, too, but what can you do? I kind of think she wants to keep my cousin around me and her sane relatives in hopes that the sanity will rub off on my cousin. Not so far.

Timelies all!

Ugh, this day. Mr. S didn't have school today because of parent-teacher conferences(virtual). We had one set up from 7:45 to 8:30. I expected to go to work after that, while Gary worked from home.(Mr. S also had a doctor's appointment at 11.) But, noooo. Our nanny called in sick, so I ended up taking the day off from work so Gary could do his work. sigh...

Ugh, childcare snafus. Sorry, Sheryl.

Sending you all possible vibes, Pix. How impossibly hard to lose your father before you lose him.

Dementia really is the fucking worst.

It should never be underestimated how much harder it is to care for a sick relative when they're fighting against you rather than along with you. Love and hugs to you, Kristin.

Oh, Pix, I'm so sorry. It's so hard, and you can't do it all alone on no resources.

Please look after yourself: you can't help anyone if you work yourself into the ground first. I know you mean to, but just a reminder.

In other news, my sister got her hip replaced yesterday, and I can already tell the big challenge will be for her to let it heal and the bone grow back the way it needs to without injuring herself. She's a very high-energy person who doesn't like to move slowly or sit around much, and this is going to be very hard for her indeed...

Wishing your sister patience to heal, 'suela.

Pix, I was going to say something relevant but just trying to put the words together made me cry, so I'll just say you're not alone in your feelings, and wish you and your dad the best of things that can be.