Msbelle I hope you and Miley feel better soon

Grandma's funeral was yesterday. Just a small graveside service and my uncle did the eulogy and a long time family friend who is a music minister sang a few of Grandma's favorite hymns.

I wish the eulogy had been bit different but I can't really fault my uncle for what he said. I maybe wish others could have spoken about her. I'm glad it was just the immediate family and direct descents. I know a lot of people would have wanted to be there it just felt right.

Her obituary hasn't been published yet.

I got to see all my cousins. And Sun is buried next to Grandpa and where Geandma is now so we were altogether. It hit my aunt really hard because she could see her son's grave right there.

I saw my older cousin and his kids. He's a pediatrician and his daughter is back from Oxford where she got her master's in Classics and she's living at home and working while she applies for doctorate programs Yale, Harvard, Columbia, Penn, UC Berkley and other places. Her twin brother is a commercial diver and currently is cleaning the Living Seas aquarium at Epcot, there younger brother works in Key West on a tourist thing that's a hybrid of snorkeling and scuba diving. And my cousin's wife is finishing her PhD in May.

And they are super proud of all their kids and it's really cool to see them all happy and thriving . My cousin's wife asked for my email so we can keep in touch better.

His sister, my younger cousin, has 2 daughters 13 and 10. The older is super into competitive dance and gets As etc. Her younger daughter "if she gets a C she gets a high five and a way to go". The younger daughter struggles with school, not sure the exact things , but she also changes her hobbies. Currently it's vocal and karate . My cousin made a point of saying how she is fine that she changes all the time and supports anything she is doing. Also she said she loves reading my retail stories and rants.

Then my brother and I talked a long time the other night. We went up from the beach Friday night and spent the night at Dad's house. My brother said he's not close to our parents because they were absentee. Dad, yeah I get that but I hadn't realized how much Mom had checked out of parenting. But thinking back, while she was really focused on my health and stuff she didn't really follow through with a lot of things school related. She was depressed but they dotn have a close relationship with my brother because they didn't put in the work.

And then we were talking about something, I think about work or something and he looks to make sure dad isn't in the hall and says "that (whatever we were talking about) is just white supremacy and the patriarchy controlling and oppressing people .." And I had to stop myself from laughing...not at him but how much he sounds like..I don't know. It was just so familiar what he was saying and I realized we do have a lot in common but I've created this narrative in my head about us that isn't based on reality and I could have a closer relationship with him if I put the effort in. Or we both did.

There has been something very freeing about this trip. Its also the first time I've been in Tallahassee and gotten into a loop of bad memories and rehashing the past and stuff like that.

It is good that you had that time with your brother. I hope you can keep up the connection.

That sounds like a really important conversation with your brother, and excellent connections with your cousins too.

Random: At Churchill Downs a colt named Howling Time out of a mare named Werewolf won the Street Sense Stakes today.

So appropriate.

Nice!

Perfect!

We had a ton of kids, and as usual DH gave out way too much candy. Some great costumes this year from clever homemade, to family themes.

Timelies all!

Back from the con, and tired.

Gary took Mr. S trick or treating while I watched the candy supply(we put pieces of candy on a tray table and put that outside). At 8:30 I brought in the table and the last few pieces of candy and called it a night.

Ima sum up:

Go Team Lexapro!

ADHD diagnosis can be good! I haven't gone the medication route, but at least I know why my brain works the way it does.

I think Roller Derby was my midlife crisis--which it did AMAZING things for me, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I wish I had found the library sooner. My sister asked me if I wanted to go back and get my MLS and I was like "HELL, NO!" too spendy, and I am already doing the fun part of my job. I'll leave the librariany stuff to my boss.

One of the houses Aeryn and I trick-or-treated at last night had candy scattered all over the lawn, with signs on the grass saying things like Take Two! No, Not That One! and I wish I'd been able to get a picture but there was never a moment when there weren't other peoples' kids in the frame. She got a good haul though, and we ran into a few friends along the way, which was nice.

Everything still down at work, they're saying it's a "cybersecurity attack" which does not seem like the right nomenclature to me but I guess I know what they mean. We had a downer of a meeting to start the day with everyone knowing the current status and then my boss ends it with "everyone have a great day!" which seemed very weird and out of place.