Ah, yes, of course. The gypsies, they gave you your soul. The gypsies are filthy people. Ptui! We shall speak of them no more.

Ilona Costa Bianchi ,'The Girl in Question'


Goodbye and Good Riddance 2018: The Real Bad Place Was The Friends We Made Along The Way  

Every year we watch the Charlie Brown special, do the Snoopy dance, wish everybody a Merry Thanksgivukkahmas, and thank our Secret Santas in the good riddance thread. Which is this one, in case you were wondering.

Go away, 2018. You have a lot to turn around, 2019. Be a Good Place.


Fred Pete - Dec 10, 2018 5:38:37 am PST #20 of 131
Ann, that's a ferret.

For me, 2018 was The Year Everything Changed.

As eras don't follow the calendar precisely (did the 2000s as a cultural era begin before 9/12/2001?), my 2018 began on 11/6/2017. If you recall the 2017 thread, that was the day I had my nervous breakdown. Which led to 2 days in the hospital, 6 days in the psych ward, and 2 weeks of partial hospitalization. Also joining 2 support groups.

Early in the year, Hubs bonded with a young man, Leo, in a surrogate father-son relationship. Leo moved in with us and, after much drama, moved out. I avoided most of the drama by being out of the room most of the time.

Through all of this, I was experiencing numbness in my feet that made walking more difficult. The cause was a ruptured disc, which meant back surgery at the end of April. Still a lot of numbness, still using a cane, occasional fall (by literally tripping over my own feet).

As a byproduct of the back surgery, I now have a beard. I couldn't shave while I was in the hospital. And people liked the new look, so I kept it.

And now the biggest change. Through all the mental health work, I realized how much verbal abuse I had been taking in my marriage. As the year went on, Hubs kept getting worse. So in late August, I left him and took the cats. After a few days in a hotel and a temporary stay in a furnished apartment, I moved into a longer-term apartment a couple of weeks ago. (If you're familiar with DC/Northern Virginia, it's in the Tysons Corner area.)

The apartment is a work in progress. The kitchen and bathrooms are just about in complete. The rest is still pretty empty, although I do have a bed. I've also bought a TV and some furniture that should be delivered soon. I plan to search the after-Christmas sales for a desk and chair for a home office. And I have another cat tree to assemble. Once that's done, and the rest of the boxes are removed, the apartment will be livable. Not where I want it eventually, but where I can live comfortably.

The cats are adjusting reasonably well. Coco has been undergoing chemotherapy for lung cancer for more than a year, and the tumor isn't growing. (It isn't shrinking, either.) His 13th birthday was on Thanksgiving, and he's going strong even if he is starting to look like an Old Man Cat.

Hubs wants to reconcile. I've told my therapist and my attorney that I'd need to be comfortable that the abuse won't happen again before I'd even consider it.

Finally, I became eligible to retire in September. I'm still working for now for several reasons. It builds up my pension and retirement savings. If I retire while still married, I have to take a cut in my pension for a surviving spouse benefit after I die. On the mental health front, with all the changes going on, continuing to work maintains an area of stability in my life. (Some of my co-workers are confused at the last point -- the Powers That Be here are looking at reorganizing the Department early next year. But it's stable in the sense that I get up, go to the same place, do much the same thing -- and I doubt that any reorganization will change that.)


-t - Dec 10, 2018 5:43:31 am PST #21 of 131
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration

Oh my goodness, Fred Pete! That is a lot. It sounds like you are making good choices for yourself right now, so I hope that continues and the things outside your control go your way. Hugs.


Jesse - Dec 10, 2018 5:47:50 am PST #22 of 131
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.

Oh man, Fred! Here's hoping the coming year is more settled and better.


Calli - Dec 10, 2018 6:11:55 am PST #23 of 131
Why do trees keep happening? — Eukaryote Writes

Wow—that's a lot, Fred. I'm glad you were able to move forward with the changes you needed. And I hope 2019 is a better year.


Laura - Dec 10, 2018 6:19:21 am PST #24 of 131
"Against all evidence, I keep thinking the assholes are outliers." - James Holden

Fred, that is so much upset and turmoil for a year. It really does sound like you are getting things under control and taking much better care of your physical and emotional health. I agree that continuing working really does add a great deal of stability to life. May 2019 be free from excess drama.


amyth - Dec 10, 2018 6:34:08 am PST #25 of 131
And none of us deserving the cruelty or the grace -- Leonard Cohen

askye, you've made amazing progress. I'm so glad.

Wow, Fred. I hope 2019 is a good year for you. It sounds like you are doing some important work towards taking care of yourself, but none of that is easy. Wishing you all the best.


amych - Dec 10, 2018 7:41:41 am PST #26 of 131
Now let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?

Oh, Fred, I had no idea so much was going on with you! It sounds like you've found a way to build some stability and that's much needed right now -- wishing you continued improvements in all things (and pls give my scritches to the cats)


Beverly - Dec 10, 2018 9:23:59 am PST #27 of 131
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.

Fred, that's a lot. I'm grateful you've found your way through to where you are, and that you're making choices mindfully, and continue to work toward health, both mental and physical. All best thoughts that things work out well for you--and the cats.

askye, I am awed and impressed by all you've achieved. You've always been beloved among Buffistas I've known (and actually met!). I'm glad you're finding that self-knowledge and self-love now, too.


Fred Pete - Dec 10, 2018 12:39:14 pm PST #28 of 131
Ann, that's a ferret.

Thanks for the thoughts. When things calm down a bit, I'm going to take a vacation. I'm thinking Vermont in May or June -- it's the only state east of the Mississippi River that I've never been in.


NoiseDesign - Dec 10, 2018 12:54:58 pm PST #29 of 131
"You'd think a house full of crazy people would be fun. It's actually really depressing." --Bart Simpson

Oh Fred! I just want to give you a hug. That's so much.