I'm so sorry, msbelle.

msbelle, I'm sorry mac is being such a shithead. You shouldn't have to live with that, and I hope he realizes and gets himself together quickly.

Argh, I spent two hours faithfully updating this spreadsheet so I would no what I did to all these orders and would be able to update the vendor portal accordingly and I just CLOSED THE SPREADSHEET WITHOUT SAVING. Sometimes I am just too stupid to live.

Now that he's 18, can you sit him down and get him to list out what he thinks is appropriate behavior for an adult member of a household? Not telling him, getting him to offer up suggestions, because it will get him out of his 'reactive' mindset and perhaps reconsider his behavior. He seems to be spiralling in panic over the end of school and his refuge seems to be giving up on all responsibility.

I cannot sit him down. He has not said more than a couple of sentences to me for weeks and only slightly more in text. If I start talking to him he will walk away. If I ask him to come talk with me he will ignore it.

He will not answer questions. He has not offered any ideas on his future going on 2-3 years now. No solutions on what he wants to do, how to get to any of the options available. nothing.

My last text to him yesterday "I'll turn on the wireless when I get home this afternoon if you would like to apply for some jobs, I am happy to help if you want. I am also available to talk about graduation plans and post graduation if you want. If you have an idea of what you want to do or how you want your life to be, I will help make a plan to get you there." zero response. When I checked in on him in the afternoon when I got home from an errand and asked if he wanted to do anything I talked about in the text, he angrily told me no, so I left him alone.

I'm sorry, msbelle. That sounds awful. I hope he doesn't hurt himself or you or your relationship too badly while he gets to wherever he needs to be to figure stuff out.

In brighter news - I indulged myself with a lemon cake pop AND a slice of lemon loaf when I stopped at Starbucks, haven't eaten them yet. And it's my coworker's birthday, one of the supervisor's made pineapple upside down cake to celebrate, so I have some of that, too. I may, in fact, be the girl with the most cake right now.

I'm so sorry. He seems both paralyzed by indecision and angered by it so he's hitting out at the nearest object. Is there anybody else in his life who could intervene?

Sometimes you have to hit bottom in order to get your head right, but I'm worried that as a black-and-foreign kid bottom could be very perilous for him, now that he's over 18 and likely to get kicked around by the TX legal system if he steps out of line.

I do not think he will hurt himself. No indications of that.

I am taking steps to that he will not have access to the house unless I want him to know about it, so harming me should be not an issue.

Our relationship can recover - it will be up to him if there is a relationship. He may leave and never reach out again.

at some point today I should probably log back on to work, but that time is not now.

I came home from therapy and mac had locked me out of the house. He let me back in and now he has left.

I talked to my brother, go him all updated.

And now I have sent off emails to the dog rescue people letting them know about a weekend trip I have in two weeks and letting them know that I'll need to be taking a break from fostering for a while until/if the home situation stabilizes.

Now to reprogram garage door opener and install a flip lock.

Oh msbelle. I'm so sorry it's come to this.