She also told me that the I did the cruelest thing that's ever been done to her, which makes me feel terrible. I'm not even sure what that is and that makes me feel like the worst person ever. I can't help but wonder if she's right and I'm really just that horrible of a person. Maybe I hide it when I online or something. Terrible as I'm feeling, I have to somehow keep my wits because I'd still under a lot of pressure from work. I can't stand how I am right now and there's no way out.

She also told me that the I did the cruelest thing that's ever been done to her

She is abusive and manipulative. She is abusing YOU. I hope she's not also abusing your children.

I can't help but wonder if she's right and I'm really just that horrible of a person.

Is it easier for you to believe that than it is to believe that you're married to an abuser? I can understand how it could be easier to believe that the fault lies with you, but I desperately wish we could make you comprehend and really believe that you are married to an abuser.

Gud, not seeing a text does not mean anything, especially since you finally did answer and explained. Try to hear all of us when we say this to you. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. As to "the worst thing," when you are calmer, ask her to explain. If she won't, that's just an unkind and abusive thing to say and it's not worth even thinking about. If she does, then you can work though it together.

She also told me that the I did the cruelest thing that's ever been done to her, which makes me feel terrible. I'm not even sure what that is

Gud, no one makes that accusation without actually specifying what they're talking about. She may believe it's true, but she's using it as a weapon against you.

Gud, you did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING. You are not a bad person. You are being emotionally abused, and you (and the kids!) deserve so much better.

As to "the worst thing," when you are calmer, ask her to explain. If she won't, that's just an unkind and abusive thing to say and it's not worth even thinking about. If she does, then you can work though it together.

This needs to be repeated, and scrappy is wise.

Please believe all of us over the one of her. Please at least entertain the idea that she could be wrong.

So I didn't hear 2 of moms phone calls and 2 of dad's and they are trying to ask me/tell me stuff due to a hurricane.

I didn't get them because the phone was in a cooler and the wind was blowing at the beach. No one was mad at me.

You should ask her about the worst thing and if she says you should know or something to avoid explaining then this is another sign she is abusive.

The cruelest thing that has been done is her making you believe for even a moment that you aren't the loving and responsible father, husband, and citizen that you show yourself to be every day. She is abusive and setting a horrible example for your children.

Gud, what happens when you call her bluff? I mean, point out that she is being too hard on you? Sometimes, breaking the pattern that a person falls into can be a very good thing, in that it helps them see what is really going on.

What is the worst thing that can happen if you text her back: "Let's talk when I get home. I'm turning off my phone now." What would she do?

Every work day, I text Tim around 5 p.m. to see when he thinks he'll be home, because his schedule is irregular and I have anxiety about not knowing when he might have left work and when to expect him home. Most of the time he replies pretty quickly to my texts (because he knows that's how I'm managing my anxiety), but sometimes he misses them for an hour or so, and once in a while his phone battery has died so he couldn't get my text at all.

Here's the thing: when he doesn't reply to my texts right away, or doesn't reply at all, I don't get angry at him. Because I know he's human and sometimes he misses a text and sometimes phone batteries die. Missing a text -- even when he knows that missing a text might make my anxiety worse -- is not proof that he doesn't care about me. It's just a thing that happens to imperfect people.

Gud, your wife is setting up tests for you without even telling you that she's testing you*, and they're rigged from the start anyway, because there is literally no way to pass a test that an abuser sets up. It's set up to prove a point she has already decided is true, and to make you feel like shit because you couldn't pass her impossible test. That's manipulative and abusive. Please tell me she doesn't pull this shit with your children. Please.

*(I mean, if you hit the point where one spouse is setting up secret tests for the other spouse, you're kind of fucked anyway. That's not a marriage, it's a sadistic game.)