Gud, you ARE a good person, and you deserve kindness, support, and people who care about you.

And it costs nothing to call a hotline. 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

I enthusiastically support you doing this.

Gud be as kind to yourself and give yourself as much benefit of the doubt as you would another person. You are worth it.

Gud, I encourage you to look at this page about what abuse can look like to see if it is familar — domestic abuse is not just physical abuse: [link]

If you are worried about your wife seeing you looking at this site, you can leave it quickly by hitting escape twice. Please consider chatting online via this site or calling their hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

Here's the section defining emotional abuse:

You may be in an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship if you partner exerts control through:

Calling you names, insulting you or continually criticizing you
Refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive
Trying to isolate you from family or friends
Monitoring where you go, who you call and who you spend time with
Demanding to know where you are every minute
Trapping you in your home or preventing you from leaving
Using weapons to threaten to hurt you
Punishing you by withholding affection
Threatening to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets
Damaging your property when they're angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
Humiliating you in any way
Blaming you for the abuse
Gaslighting
Accusing you of cheating and being often jealous of your outside relationships
Serially cheating on you and then blaming you for his or her behavior
Cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again
Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than you are
Attempting to control your appearance: what you wear, how much/little makeup you wear, etc.
Telling you that you will never find anyone better, or that you are lucky to be with a person like them

I'm also adding this link about the spectrum of relationships, from healthy to abusive. I think it's helpful to look at this list to see where your experience fits.

Gud. Please listen to me

I thought I was a terrible person for a long time. Most of my life in fact. I didn't like myself , I hated myself , because I felt like I was a bad evil person.

It's a huge reason why I don't let many people close... because why would someone want to be friends with me?

BUT with the help of therapy I figured out that isn't true. And I'm learning to like and love myself.

It took A LOT of hard work in therapy and I resisted it and I still struggle but I promise you it's worth it

I promise you. You are a good person.

Please please talk to a therapist. Or email me if you want to know more about what I did in therapy.

Random question for hivemind help - I am thinking of making my front yard into a labyrinth using two colors of mulch, one for the path and one for the "background" where I will eventually also plant. I can't decide what colors of mulch to use - the choices are black, red, and brown. Any thoughts?

Never mind, I think I decided.

Timelies all!

{{{Gud}}}. Be good to yourself,and please talk to someone.

Any thoughts?

I'm not a fan of the red so I would black for path and brown for planted areas.

Fucking hell I had a woman trying to pick a fight with us over our mask policy we don't enforce. She was pissed we had one. She's pissed Wal Mart has one. She is a RN and she and the Drs she works with know his is no big deal. She is organizing a protest of Wal Mart....on and on.

And this morning we were told for our safety we cannot approach customers about our mask policy OR our no trying on policy.

I didn't approach that customer she kind of sought me out.

Oh and they are serious about employees wearing masks. Corporate is checking the security cameras to make sure and yesterday our store manager got a call about 3 employees that weren't in compliance.

The information we are given at the morning meeting is our verbal warning. If we are seen without a mask after tomorrow's meeting we will be written up and a second time is immediate termination.

Yikes, askye. About the woman.

I decided to go with red for the background and black for the path, Laura. All the trim on my house is red, so I think it might work. I ordered 5 bags of each to be delivered tomorrow, so if I hate it once I see it on the ground I can revise.