I'm sorry, Gud. Can we help or listen?

I dunno, there are certainly a lot of people with bigger problems. It was just a work day were I was busy but didn't accomplish much. Then I kept screwing things up in the evening. I wasn't feeling very well after work so I laid down and listened to an audiobook for a bit, but then I fucked up and feel asleep. When I woke up it was too late for me to take care of dinner and my wife got really angry, pointing out how I always let her down. After that I went to the grocery store where I forgot a couple of things, then went back to get the missing stuff. Then I did some quick carpet shampooing and I fucked up again and missed the spot my wife really wanted me to get. I hate making mistakes, whenever I make mistakes I really let people down which is probably why people don't like me.

Anyhow, then I processed mail and paid bills to discover some really big medical bills for my son. Well, we just had to replace our HVAC system since the blower motor burned out and it was too old to repair so now money is getting pretty tight. I don't want to tell my wife because I know she will freak out and get really angry and I've already fucked up a lot.

I'm still feeling too sick to eat anything and just generally feeling really down and like the world would be a lot better without me just fucking things up and disappointing people.

When I woke up it was too late for me to take care of dinner

Why didn't she take care of dinner? She doesn't have a job.

I'm still feeling too sick to eat anything and just generally feeling really down and like the world would be a lot better without me just fucking things up and disappointing people.

Holy shit, any decent spouse (which your wife is not) would step up and take care of things while you are sick!

Your wife sucks. She's abusive and shitty.

Hang in there, Gud.

A day like that makes me want to listen to this: [link]

(And then listen to the rest of the musical.)

That song is only 2:33 seconds - it's a lullaby for grownups.

Agreed Trudy, And of course that is Tim Minchin. He knows how to hit a crypoint.

I keep having these feelings about the death of live theatre for the foreseeable future. I thought after perhaps a year off, I would go back and try to find a non-toxic theatre, and that is not happening. But also I have so many friends without livelihood. They maybe can have an artistic outlet, but there is no money in zoom videos, and really that is just for performers, not designers and technicians. Imagine a costume fitting or quick change- not happening Do you know how close we are to the actors? I also have survivor's guilt because I got out at just the right moment, and into a field (online learning) that is pretty in demand with the pandemic. I found myself weeping at the video I shared on Facebook, with the dancers recreating dances with their pets, alone. It was adorable, but also- when can they perform again safely? When do the costume, light, set and sound technicians get their highly specialized jobs back? A designer I worked with had two post recently- one asking for an extension of unemployment benefits for freelancers, and one that he won an Obie

There are just some jobs and professions that are going to be too dangerous until we've got a firm handle on the pandemic here. I've heard that the NZ film industry (et cetera) is up and running.

Consuela, that sounds wonderful. Enjoy the family time. I stayed in hotels 2 nights on the way here from Florida. Both in SC and PA masks were everywhere, public facilities like swimming pools and breakfast lounges were closed, and cleaning procedures were evident. My concerns were alleviated.

I dunno, there are certainly a lot of people with bigger problems.

All of us are on stress overload. And yes, there are always people with bigger and smaller problems. The bottom line is that we have to be there for each other and support each other emotionally. David is correct in pointing out that you don't have the support you need and deserve. Loving partners don't get mad when we make mistakes, they are supportive and make every effort to help us feel better about ourselves. You don't make more mistakes than the rest of humanity, and you work harder than most of us! You deserve appreciation and support. I hope you can at least find that here, because I appreciate you, and I know we all do.

An abridged meara'ing:

Epic, I am so sorry.

flea - wow. Just... wow.

Gud: What Laura said. I am worried about you. You are a good human being with a kind heart. You are also under a lot of stress, sick, and it seems like you have no support system so you cannot heal or trust yourself. Why are you the one who needs to take care of things instead of healing? Making small mistakes is not fucking up. It's part of being human.

Pix (and e_o!) - lovely seeing your pixels, and I want to echo what Pix said: I am grateful for this place very, very much. And one of these days, after the plague, I'm getting on a plane to see those of you in the East Coast that I didn't see in that F2F six years ago.

(Pix, whenever I walk by a jacaranda tree, I'm thinking of you).

Hi Shir! I was thinking of you yesterday. I was going through boxes of my mother's belongings that my step-father had packed up for me. They have sat unopened for years because I never quite seemed up to it. Anyway, one of the boxes contained the rocks you sent me to give to her. She loved them, and I very much appreciated that you gathered them for me. So that brought smiles and warm memories. Thank you. (eta: that was 8 years ago!)