Ugh, msbelle, I feel you on the excel. I find myself doing that a fair amount of the time (with and without deadlines) and it sucks every time.

Sorry if I am bogarting all the calm. I think my old friend Denial is paying a visit.

I managed to go the first 66 years of my life never really feeling stressed or anxious at all, and now the past few months that has all changed. I'm going to say if you aren't anxious right now something is amiss.

Also right on schedule here.

Yeah, I could not get to sleep until 4:00 am. Just too many gears whirring around in my brain. I'd be lying there and realize my shoulders were hunched up with tension.

Scrappy, I was also up until 4. We had a big storm, and I was in too much pain to sleep.

I was actually hoping people would be more interested in the research, as for me that's been the fascinating part . . . I've been helping the granddaughter of a woman who was adopted in Kansas in the late 1930s. I was the first close match who'd come up; once my mother tested, we were able to narrow her potential fathers to one of my great-uncles.

There's a book that came out this year on consumer-grade genetic testing, Libby Copeland's The Lost Family, that features Alice Collins Plebuch's search for her father Jim's genetic family as the thruline. It discusses genetic privacy, "ethnicity estimates" (population scientists: oh Lord please stop), big data sets, the rights of adopted/donor-conceived children to accurate genealogical and medical history weighed with their biological contributors' right to privacy - it's a dry read in places, but I recommend it.

For me, I finally have context for how my family reached this unbelievably fucked-up place: there are literal generations of trauma that narrowed people's focus to survival. I have a great deal more compassion for everyone's bad choices.

I'm kind of curious about the genetic testing. We don't know much about my dad's paternal grandfather.

My aunt has done research on ancestry but it just stops with bad records and various spellings of names.

Today's tasks so they stop spinning in my head.

get virtual psych appt - 2 days left of meds!
get wet dog food/treats ordered, you are out of wet dog food
get greek yogurt ordered, you are out for extra dog bribery
Get call to vet for dog visit, need a baseline for Miley - a few odd behavior things since receiving her
Try AGAIN to get a PCP Dr visit - they keep getting cancelled

I haven't looked at today's numbers for Kitsap County, but they were up yesterday. Our gym sent a card out saying "We'll be open in Phase 3!", to which Jim and I replied "That's nice, have fun without us." Before this kicked off, I lifted in the back and the regulars couldn't be bothered to rack their weights when they were done, I sure as hell don't trust them to mask properly or clean up after themselves.

earliest psych appt is 7/15 - SOOOO trying through regular medical appt if they will refill.

I have a 1 hour break on my all day training to try and do these tasks and it is now half over.