My wife is really angry and rightly so.

No she isn't. It was a low tire pressure warning and she was fine. I think it's more unforgivable that she won't accept your apology, and I've been plenty annoyed with people in my life who have forgotten their cell phones.

I don't think I deserve to be alive anymore and I'm having trouble concentrating.

I think you deserve to be alive and I care about what happens to you. Do you need to call someone, Gud?

I'm not really a fan of "no Y until I achieve X" goals.

I know, and I would probably buy new clothes if it would please me. More often the trying on clothes leads to body hatred and is counter productive. Working at home doesn't really require a lot of clothing anyway.

I know, and I would probably buy new clothes if it would please me. More often the trying on clothes leads to body hatred and is counter productive. Working at home doesn't really require a lot of clothing anyway.

Yes, to all of this.

Also, Laura works in the nude, pass it on. ;-)

Gud, please check out [link] You don't have to be suicidal to call/chat.

More often the trying on clothes leads to body hatred and is counter productive.

Ugh. I know that feeling. Sometimes I can re-focus on how ugly a lot of the fashion is and why it doesn't work for so many bodies, but it doesn't always work on the brain weasels.

And I also want to share something else:

I forgot to bring my phone with me and she got a low tire-pressure warning and called me for help. Luckily my daughter was home and brought me my phone, so I was able to immediately leave and help (turns out it was probably just low pressure from the cold). My wife is really angry and rightly so.

On Friday, I had an ingrown toenail excised, so when I got home, I took the laptop in the bedroom so I could prop up my foot per the doctor's instructions and still get work done. I forgot to take the landline phone in the bedroom with me. Apparently over the course of 3 hours my dad called like 4 times, and finally called Tim's cell phone (but not mine?????) because he was "worried about me." WHAT THE SHIT.

That's a massive overreaction, because 3 hours in the middle of a weekday is nothing. I could have been running errands. He could have called my cell phone, not my husband's. But he wanted to overreact and so he called Tim, who was basically like "She's probably in the bedroom with her foot propped up, why don't you call her cell phone?"

My point: people forget their phones all the time. And their loved ones overreact all the time, largely in an effort to be controlling and manipulative. Which is what my dad did, and what your wife did.

You did nothing wrong by forgetting your phone. Your wife's anger is not justified. It's abuse.

But the most important thing here is: I really feel you're at the point where you need clinical help. Believing you don't deserve to live, and saying those words "out loud" (typing them to us) is VERY serious.

I want to tell you to go to a psych ER, but I don't think you'll take that advice.

Gud, your company probably offers some therapy sessions through an EAP. I know the process of taking advantage of that may be more than you can manage right now, but it is a resource that's there for you.

And what everyone else said is right, of course. You deserve to live. We love you.

Gud, please, I know this is hard to accept as true but you are loved and valued by all of us here.

Ugh. I know that feeling. Sometimes I can re-focus on how ugly a lot of the fashion is and why it doesn't work for so many bodies, but it doesn't always work on the brain weasels.

I still remember the feeling I had at one point a couple years ago where I was happy with my weight and was super able to be like "these clothes don't fit or aren't flattering" rather than "my body is terrible". And even though I can't often recapture that these days, knowing I did have it at one point is so key. If that makes sense.