Happy birthday, Jessica!

Happy Birthday, Jessica!!!

I messed up my oatmeal this morning. Now I have a bowl of glue that I am dutifully eating.

I don't feel like this bodes well for the day.

I just had a fashion show with my mother, and decided to keep 5 of the 8 Boden dresses I ordered. Which is so excessive! But they were on sale.

Nice! I love home fashion shows.

I have been stuck in this no new clothes until I am happy with my size zone. Blah. I may buy more bathing suits though. I have quite a few, but with swimming every day they last a whole lot longer if I rotate them. When I don't expect company I swim naked, which is far more comfortable, but during the day I never really know if people are going to stop by. My kids just deal with naked mama, but non family should be spared.

I'm off to bad start today.

It's snowing and my wife took my son to school while I went to the basement to start working. I forgot to bring my phone with me and she got a low tire-pressure warning and called me for help. Luckily my daughter was home and brought me my phone, so I was able to immediately leave and help (turns out it was probably just low pressure from the cold). My wife is really angry and rightly so. She's pointed out several times that it indicates I don't care about her or my family and won't accept apologies. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I'm a terrible person and I've done something unforgivable. I don't think I deserve to be alive anymore and I'm having trouble concentrating. What can you do when you're just a piece of shit?

Happy birthday, Jessica!

Someone rescheduled a meeting on me, which meant I got to turn off my alarm at 5am this morning and sleep for a few more hours, so there was much rejoicing. Especially since I didn't get to bed until 1am last night from traveling.

I have been stuck in this no new clothes until I am happy with my size zone.

I'm not really a fan of "no Y until I achieve X" goals. I think it usually works as self-punishment rather than encouragement or motivation. I'm not saying buy a whole new wardrobe, but if you need (or even want) new clothes, you deserve to get them.

Your wife is WRONG. First, you did take care of it. Second, if I have a low tire pressure warning I stop and put quarters in the machine and put air in my tire. (not rocket science) Third, you never deserve your spouse to be angry over unimportant bullshit.

She is abusive. Period. This is spousal abuse.

I don't think I deserve to be alive anymore and I'm having trouble concentrating. What can you do when you're just a piece of shit?

Gud, you really need to see a therapist. Thoughts like this are very dangerous. We can tell you all day long that these thoughts aren't true, that your brain (and your wife) is lying to you, but I feel like you're at the point where it's crucial that you get help.

Gud, please take a minute and just breathe.

You are not a terrible person. You did help your wife, and everything is fine. She has no right or reason to be angry when you came to her assistance. You have every right to be alive, and you are a caring, creative, compassionate human being.

Please please consider finding a counselor. Someone who can help you find strategies to battle those kinds of thoughts. Please. We care about you.